Beggar, Day 4

** Sorry for the repost, I've been having some formatting/feed issues recently**

I forgot to mention this yesterday: one of my kids (I’m surprised, it’s actually one of the ones I really don’t like) gave me half of the ice cream I bought for her. It was a nice surprise, and it made me consider thinking about possibly not labeling her as a complete brat. We’ll see how it goes during the next class when I don’t buy them anything...

Breakfast was curry and hotdogs...lunch was a can of Spam and a banana. And to drink? In the Mega Spam pack, there was drinking vinegar.  For some unknown reason, I don’t like drinking water, so I more than welcomed the vinegar and drank it like you’re supposed to: diluted with water because it’s in concentrated form. I know I’m weird. For a while, I found myself taking straight shots of vinegar (yes, plain vinegar) and eating lemons, just because I like the acidic taste.

Then today, another kid (this one I actually like) gave me a piece of her kimbap. She’s a sweet kid.

My buddies at my favorite bar invited me to a club party.  They’re hosting one this weekend.  Of course I’m going, but how will I get my drink on?  I’m not the type to flirt for a drink.  I’ve done it maybe once, or twice.  It just feels weird.  But apparently when I do it, I do it like a boss.  I don’t know why I’m telling you this story, but I will.

        So...I was at the festival with some friends, and we were in line waiting to buy these really cool   cocktails in a bag.  Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like…  Anyway, this guy walked up to me and started talking to me.  I don’t know what possessed me at that time, but I said “for this conversation to continue, you should buy me a drink.” And hot damn, he bought me TWO.  After he left some time later, my one friend asked “How did you do that?!” I didn’t know then, and I still don’t know now.  Every now and then, my even more straightforward side makes an appearance and manhandles…HAHAHAHA.

Cocktails in bags....summertime mainstay

                                                     

 Back to the regularly scheduled programming

When I first took this on I was dreading it, thinking that it’d be a week of ramen and water. I didn’t expect ingredients for full meals with options! And this stuff isn’t cheap! Such a drain on them....it’s optional, I know. They don’t have to help, but....dangit. Be jerks! Say ‘no’! Give me something leftover that you’re about to throw away so I don’t think *know* that you went out of your way to get things that I like! Be selfish! Stop making me question my long-held decision to rely on (or otherwise involve) others as little as possible. Why, you ask? Because:

More food ^_^

                                                

THAT is why. Yeah, that is all from ONE person. Again, I was only expecting maybe a Paris Baguette (bakery chain) pack of bread and a bottle of  soda...this is way more than that. And apparently my wonderful food givers don’t want me to die, either. I’ve got apples. Fruit. Vegetables. Bread. Soup. Oil. Drinks.

This is leading me to believe that perhaps I’ve been underestimating my friends. But it’s also made me painfully aware of the fact that if I ever need help, they’ll do it (within reason). I don’t want to be a burden! I feel like a drain on society! Give me the bare minimum that I need. Stop being so...HELPFUL!

 I don’t want to ask anyone for anything else, but with the weekend coming, I know that I’ll have to.  Just like skirt week, I’m fighting with myself right now. Accept that I can and should ask for help, or continue as I’ve been? What to do, what to do...(really).

This just in: Pride and I have a not-so-healthy relationship.  I’m not above asking for help, but man it hurts to do it. Case in point: when I first came back to Korea in my public school job a few years ago, I was flat broke. Like broke broke broke. I lost 1000 won (about a dollar) and started crying because that was my lunch money for the next two days (buy a pack of instant noodles and split it in half...)  For about 10 days, I lived off of canned tuna with steak seasoning, a single loaf of bread and instant coffee mix. I could have asked for help, my friends even offered because they knew I hadn’t been paid. But I said I was fine. One of them picked up on the fact that it was a ridiculous lie and slid me an envelope with more than a few bucks in it. My soul hurt. I needed someone to help me. No...let me say that again: I needed help.  I thanked my friend profusely and felt a bit of guilt when they rebuffed my offer to pay them back later. I believe that people are inherently good, but....just....there are some things I’ll just not understand anytime soon.

‘till tomorrow...