And THIS is why I can't really be a "true blogger". I don't write daily or weekly, I don't even write bi-weekly, and I still can't stick to a schedule. 8 ~9 days a month. That's all that's required and I still can't get it done *facepalm*
I tried again today. I opened my closet again, and tried. And failed. I managed to get a SINGLE shirt and a SINGLE jacket. Everything just has its own purpose. The fear of needing things after you've gotten rid of them, there must be a word for that. Especially since it actually happens to me all the time. I once held onto an old piece of Velcro for almost a year. It was just a little scrap, not even the size of the space bar on most keyboards. I tossed it out because I was cleaning and hadn't used it for anything. THE VERY NEXT DAY I was making something for my class and what did I need? Just a little bit of....VELCRO.
With that in mind, I was more than hesitant, but was able to force myself to toss a SINGLE t-shirt and a pair of Coach heels. It's not like I wore the heels, or even liked them, but they were COACH...dang
November 26, 2013
November 24, 2013
Let It Go- Day 2
Now that the pain that is "inventory" has been completed, onto the actual "letting go".
I was very driven when I flung my closet doors open, ready to do some "life lightening" this morning. Yeah...easier said than done. After touching almost EVERYTHING in my closet/drawers at least once, I realized that I may have some "ownership" issues.
Now, why on Earth would I think that? It's quite simple, actually. Despite the fact that I know my reasons for holding onto things are stupid, I still own them. What kind of stupid? THIS kind of stupid...*Stop me if you've heard any of these before*
- He bought them for me and I've never traveled there (gift from an ex-boyfriend)
- The store is gone! I can't buy any more! (t-shirts from my favorite *now non-existent* store)
- What if we become friends again? (cards/things from people I never want to see again)
- They were on sale! (The Raptor shoes...death-sentence footwear I bought in Taiwan)
- It was expensive! ($90 jacket I purchased and wore ONCE)
- It's pretty! (Dress I got on sale that I'll likely never have an occasion to wear in public)
And so it began. I grabbed a bookmark and some jewelry first and tossed them into a bag. Not only do I not like those items, but I straight up despise the people who gave them to me. Why do I still have stuff from the only ex-boyfriend to make me cry like a pansy? No, really...WHY?! Why am I so desperately holding onto bookmarks and trinkets when: 1) I don't read books 2) trinkets are useless and 3) I don't like the person who gave them to me?
In a way, I guess it really is "life lightening". Remember the 90s music videos when people would break up and the girl (or guy) would toss/burn everything from the now-ex? That's how I feel about my life at the moment. Heck, I don't even have to hate the giver, but if I don't actively LIKE them, why do I want something they've given me hanging around? Time to put on angry music and get rid of stuff!
There are two exceptions, though only the week will tell if those remain by the end.
1) Winter boots from my high school ex-boyfriend (because those are some n-i-c-e boots and I don't have other winter shoes)
2) A handmade hemp necklace from the same ex-boyfriend (It looks nice)
More to come, along with pictures of "progress"
November 23, 2013
Let It Go- Day 1
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| Not my room...but the statement is still | true |
Let's get started, shall we?
In my tiny studio apartment (not including my *full* laundry basket and stuff hanging out to dry), I have:
13 Pairs of jeans/pants/shorts
10 T-shirts
11 Coats/jackets
8 Dresses/skirts
12 Shirts used ONLY for working out/sleeping
5 Sweaters
3 Purses
15 Pairs of shoes
11 Necklaces
This was, of course, not an exhaustive inventory. There was NO WAY I was about to empty my closet to get an accurate count, especially considering the fact that I just finished cleaning my room! And it's just the wearable stuff. That doesn't include books, games, dishes, electronics and other stuff.
EIGHT dresses and skirts? ELEVEN coats?! ELEVEN necklaces?! FIFTEEN pairs of shoes?!
Allow me to break down "the ridiculous" even more:
Coats/jackets: 4 dress coats, 2 summer cover-up hoodies, 2 winter coats, and 3 slummy jackets that are borderline People of Walmart
Shoes: 5 pairs of 4"+ heels (because when I wear heels, I wear heels), 4 pairs of tennis shoes, one pair of winter boots, 3 pairs of summer shoes and one pair of "I don't care, but shoes are required".
Necklaces: 3 pearls, 2 heart pendants, 2 tribals, 3 chains and one hemp.
Just going over all of that made me angry. I mean, if you were to see me on a daily basis, you'd think I have less than half of that. My wardrobe that sees the light of day consists of 2 pairs of pants, the same pair of "I don't care, but required" shoes and a giant hoodie because dressing up and pretending to care can go play in traffic.
With that in mind, the sheer amount seems like gross excess to me. Even more so when I remember that I have an almost full room back Stateside. I'm not at all eager to get rid of stuff...IT'S MY STUFF! But, I don't need it. I don't use it. It's taking up space. Now that the easy part is over, I'll start the hard stuff tomorrow....
November 22, 2013
Week 11- Let It Go
I didn't forget about you, and I haven't died (yet). I have had the most ridiculous month, and I'd rather not re-live it. In fact, I'd like to pretend that November never happened.
No, there wasn't anything particularly awful that happened (though I did find myself several drinks beyond "done" more than a few times). It's more that this month was a waste. I was waking up at 10am, not getting out of bed until five minutes before I was supposed to BE at work. Then I'd go home and flop on the sofa until 1am or the pills kicked in, whatever came first.
I'd actually thought about doing this for a while, but it seems that with "Thanksgiving" coming around it makes more sense. What am I talking about? It's quite simple, actually...
Here's the Deal
I'm going to get rid of 1/4 of my belongings. (clothes, shoes, dishes and so on)
Say What?!
Yes, you read that correctly. One-fourth. A Quarter. 25%. One-in-four.
It seems like a lot, but it really isn't.
Why?
Because I have a an apartment full of isht PLUS a fully-stocked room in the United States AND stuff in a storage unit.
Because of the 14+ shirts I own, I wear a steady rotation of six or seven.
Because I need to start letting isht go. I pride myself on doing what I want, when I want with no apologies. But I can't do that with an apartment full of stuff.
It's November, (for me) the holidays have officially started. Thanksgiving, my birthday (it's a holiday...look it up. It's called "KiteGirl Founding Day aka The Day the Earth Went Off the Awesome Scale"), Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, New Year's Day....
Usually we say "I'm thankful for XXX" It's usually friends, family, a house, a car, a job...blah blah blah blah. I'm thankful for all of those things, but I guess this year I'm also thankful that I am finally starting to get okay with getting rid of stuff. (I'll detail this more as the week progresses).
And on a more practical note: I'm *hopefully* moving in February. Less stuff = easier move.
November 3, 2013
Reading Rainbow- To be continued...
Notice anything...missing, like Reading Rainbow days 3-7?
That's because they never happened.
Yep. for the second time this year I've totally failed. It wasn't that it was too hard, I mean, it was only a bunch of words on a bunch of pages. It was more that I just didn't care and didn't feel like it. Truth be told, I could probably make it if I read today. I plowed through a psychology textbook from cover-to-cover over 3 days during my freshman year of college. With that in mind, it's not that it was too difficult, it's just that I didn't feel like doing it. I didn't care then and still don't now.
For the past few weeks, it's been hard enough convincing myself to get out of bed, eat and put on clean clothes for work. So sitting down reading about the power of words really wasn't on my radar.
I chose the book because I thought I needed it, if that makes any sense. After all, coming off of 5 months of sleep deprivation and isolation because of studying wasn't exactly fun. Perhaps I did need the message and still do, but for now, I'm gonna pass on it (at least until after getting dressed and pretending to care isn't such a chore).
BUT...
being the stubborn person I am, I'm going to try again this month. I'll go through a book in a week. It won't be that book, but it'll still be a paper and ink book. So there will be two weeks for November.
That's because they never happened.
Yep. for the second time this year I've totally failed. It wasn't that it was too hard, I mean, it was only a bunch of words on a bunch of pages. It was more that I just didn't care and didn't feel like it. Truth be told, I could probably make it if I read today. I plowed through a psychology textbook from cover-to-cover over 3 days during my freshman year of college. With that in mind, it's not that it was too difficult, it's just that I didn't feel like doing it. I didn't care then and still don't now.
For the past few weeks, it's been hard enough convincing myself to get out of bed, eat and put on clean clothes for work. So sitting down reading about the power of words really wasn't on my radar.
I chose the book because I thought I needed it, if that makes any sense. After all, coming off of 5 months of sleep deprivation and isolation because of studying wasn't exactly fun. Perhaps I did need the message and still do, but for now, I'm gonna pass on it (at least until after getting dressed and pretending to care isn't such a chore).
BUT...
being the stubborn person I am, I'm going to try again this month. I'll go through a book in a week. It won't be that book, but it'll still be a paper and ink book. So there will be two weeks for November.
October 29, 2013
Reading Rainbow- Day 2
Halloween is coming soon.
Up until now, it has easily been one of my favorite holidays. It brings out even more of my out-there childish side. But this year, I can honestly say: I don't care. Perhaps I'm giving in to the people who keep saying that Halloween is for kids and slutbags. I just don't feel like going out and buying or making a costume for a day to play with kids I barely tolerate at a job that's moving toward soul-sucking. And so this year, I have a plan: I will go home and do whatever I feel like. If it happens to be Halloween themed, great. and if not, oh well.
I haven't felt like doing much of anything lately. Let alone read. Perhaps God has a strange sense of humor. During a time when I'd rather sleep my time away, I'm supposed to be reading a book about the power of words.
Wanna know how far I've gotten? 28 pages. Yup. Because that's how awesome I am. Two days in on a 200-something page book and I've just reached page 28. I should have gotten further along in the book, but I just couldn't today.
Something about the content today just...infuriated me. There I was, stuck in a jail-cell of a classroom with a bunch of precious snowflakes who didn't know what to do when someone says "조용히!" (Be quiet!) and I was supposed to be on break, chugging through a book about the power of words and how we breathe life into our words. (HA!) Oh, I had some powerful words I would have LOVED to see come to life, all right. I had more than a few things I would have liked to have breathed some life into. Like a few rounds with a nice resilient whipping switch, for starters...
On a side note: I'm not usually this easily aggravated. I just haven't been having it lately and the whole "I have to pretend to give a crap about Halloween' thing was really weighing on me (among other things). But man...none of it was sinking in then, and it still hasn't now.
I really regret not choosing something darker or more scientific. The optimist in me lost out quite some time ago, and so reading about how "changing your words will change your life" really seems to be an exercise in banging my head on a wall.
It's kind of like this: when you're having a lousy day, you don't want people to say "hey, cheer up, here's some good news!" or "hey...it could be worse", or even better "it's all in how you look at it" (or some variation of the aforementioned) . I don't know about you, but for me, I want to be left alone. If I want someone to cheer me up, I'll let you know. And no, I've never said "hey, I'm feeling bad. Can you help me cheer up?". Know why? BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE CHEERED UP, DAMMIT! Sometimes a good hissy fit is all you need to make yourself feel better. But dang, it feels like the book is trying to do the cheering up, without an invitation...
Up until now, it has easily been one of my favorite holidays. It brings out even more of my out-there childish side. But this year, I can honestly say: I don't care. Perhaps I'm giving in to the people who keep saying that Halloween is for kids and slutbags. I just don't feel like going out and buying or making a costume for a day to play with kids I barely tolerate at a job that's moving toward soul-sucking. And so this year, I have a plan: I will go home and do whatever I feel like. If it happens to be Halloween themed, great. and if not, oh well.
I haven't felt like doing much of anything lately. Let alone read. Perhaps God has a strange sense of humor. During a time when I'd rather sleep my time away, I'm supposed to be reading a book about the power of words.
Wanna know how far I've gotten? 28 pages. Yup. Because that's how awesome I am. Two days in on a 200-something page book and I've just reached page 28. I should have gotten further along in the book, but I just couldn't today.
Something about the content today just...infuriated me. There I was, stuck in a jail-cell of a classroom with a bunch of precious snowflakes who didn't know what to do when someone says "조용히!" (Be quiet!) and I was supposed to be on break, chugging through a book about the power of words and how we breathe life into our words. (HA!) Oh, I had some powerful words I would have LOVED to see come to life, all right. I had more than a few things I would have liked to have breathed some life into. Like a few rounds with a nice resilient whipping switch, for starters...
On a side note: I'm not usually this easily aggravated. I just haven't been having it lately and the whole "I have to pretend to give a crap about Halloween' thing was really weighing on me (among other things). But man...none of it was sinking in then, and it still hasn't now.
I really regret not choosing something darker or more scientific. The optimist in me lost out quite some time ago, and so reading about how "changing your words will change your life" really seems to be an exercise in banging my head on a wall.
It's kind of like this: when you're having a lousy day, you don't want people to say "hey, cheer up, here's some good news!" or "hey...it could be worse", or even better "it's all in how you look at it" (or some variation of the aforementioned) . I don't know about you, but for me, I want to be left alone. If I want someone to cheer me up, I'll let you know. And no, I've never said "hey, I'm feeling bad. Can you help me cheer up?". Know why? BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE CHEERED UP, DAMMIT! Sometimes a good hissy fit is all you need to make yourself feel better. But dang, it feels like the book is trying to do the cheering up, without an invitation...
October 28, 2013
Reading Rainbow- Day 1
I. Do. Not. Approve.
No, really. I don't.
I wish I'd chosen something else, because it's 11:00 pm on Day One and I've only read about a paragraph of 200 some-odd pages. I tried. I really did. But I've not been in the mood (nor am I now) to read page after page of positive self-help-y type writing when I'd rather go on a punching spree, letting everyone know e-x-a-c-t-l-y how I feel about everything.
It's been one of those days. and it's even more frustrating because if you think about it, it shouldn't be too hard. I'll be 27 in a little over a month, and I'm still having temper tantrums because it's "reading time". I suppose I'll never really come across as an intellectual in that sense. Sitting down for hours and reading just isn't something I enjoy. I don't wanna read! I don't want to hear about how great my life can be and how it's all "just in how you look at things." Saying "It's all in the power of words" really doesn't help me right now. Sure, because of that, I'm probably the exact person this book was written for, but I'm just not up for it right now.
I want to crawl back into my nice dark niche of criminal analysis, Japanese mechs (mechanical warfare *like Transformers and Voltron*) and abnormal psychology. I want to know about the inner workings of the sociopath's mind. I want to know about the fear that grips people in the time leading up to their deaths. YOU can keep the love and sunshine, I'll take the Whiskey on the Rocks and cold hard facts.
But, I am a stubborn one. And so, despite all of this, I WILL read this book from cover to cover by next Sunday night.
*Someone once said I was a mix of Gil Grissom, Horatio Cain and and Spencer Reid...(of CSI Las Vegas, CSI Miami and Criminal Minds) looking at my choice of literature, I'm not quite sure how to take that*
No, really. I don't.
I wish I'd chosen something else, because it's 11:00 pm on Day One and I've only read about a paragraph of 200 some-odd pages. I tried. I really did. But I've not been in the mood (nor am I now) to read page after page of positive self-help-y type writing when I'd rather go on a punching spree, letting everyone know e-x-a-c-t-l-y how I feel about everything.
It's been one of those days. and it's even more frustrating because if you think about it, it shouldn't be too hard. I'll be 27 in a little over a month, and I'm still having temper tantrums because it's "reading time". I suppose I'll never really come across as an intellectual in that sense. Sitting down for hours and reading just isn't something I enjoy. I don't wanna read! I don't want to hear about how great my life can be and how it's all "just in how you look at things." Saying "It's all in the power of words" really doesn't help me right now. Sure, because of that, I'm probably the exact person this book was written for, but I'm just not up for it right now.
I want to crawl back into my nice dark niche of criminal analysis, Japanese mechs (mechanical warfare *like Transformers and Voltron*) and abnormal psychology. I want to know about the inner workings of the sociopath's mind. I want to know about the fear that grips people in the time leading up to their deaths. YOU can keep the love and sunshine, I'll take the Whiskey on the Rocks and cold hard facts.
But, I am a stubborn one. And so, despite all of this, I WILL read this book from cover to cover by next Sunday night.
*Someone once said I was a mix of Gil Grissom, Horatio Cain and and Spencer Reid...(of CSI Las Vegas, CSI Miami and Criminal Minds) looking at my choice of literature, I'm not quite sure how to take that*
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| My favorite book when I was in high school ^^ |
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| I still have this thing somewhere in my house... |
October 27, 2013
Week 10- Reading Rainbow
I didn't forget, and I didn't leave this until the last minute. This was actually quite well planned out. You see, for the past 4+ months, I've been cramming words and grammar and cultural concepts into my poor little brain in preparation for a Korean test. The Test of Proficiency in Korean, to be exact. I have some things that I *think* I want to do, and had to study constantly. I've never studied like that in my life, nor do I ever plan on doing so again.
What do you mean? You should always be learning and studying! Yes, that is true. I am pretty sure, however, that whoever came up with that didn't intend for people to study the way I did. Clinically diagnosed Sleep Deprivation. I was going to the gym at 3am (because a day without a workout is blasphemy, physical exhaustion be damned) and still getting up at 7 to study. It was ugly. Seriously, I fell asleep mid-sentence a few times while teaching...it was that bad. With that in mind, my week 10 is more than acceptable, as far as I'm concerned. ;
Here's the Deal
I'm going to read a book from cover to cover in a week.
Say What?!
I'm going to read a book. But, not just any book. This one has NO pictures, no illustrations and isn't a textbook. I'm weird and like reading textbooks for fun (I'm currently working through Carol Rizzolo's Illuminating the Twilight. It's quite an insight into the psychology of death and dying). Something about a well-written psychology textbook is really interesting.
Also, this is an actual paper book. I love my Kindle and I enjoy the convenience, but there's just something about physically holding a book that makes it much more satisfying. Besides, I'm not known for being graceful. With a paper book, I can toss it across the room, drop it and never have to worry about running out of battery power.
Why?
Why books? Because, silly..."books are your friends".
My current reading list is the strategy guide for Binary Domain, daily positive thought so cheesy they make me want to puke, drink it and puke again, and about 130-some odd Japanese webcomics that update on sadly irregular intervals. Knowledge is power. Based on what I read, I only know how NOT to behave in Japan, after school specials and what to do if a Scraphead is coming at me if I'm down to one health bar and outta ammo. So yeah, based on my reading list, I'm a rather simple person.
This particular book is different, though. Almost all of my books (my Bible, as well) have pictures. This book has no pictures. I'll try to get through it, but make no promises at all. The last time I remember really being into a series, I finished it and then realized that it was written for teenagers (target audience/maturity level FAIL).
I need a POSITIVE distraction, as well. For the past week, I've been blowing up robots and watching SpongeBob, hoping it would keep certain things at bay, but alas, my efforts met with failure. In order to escape some things, a more....proactive approach is required. And yes, I did just admit that I'm running like hell in the opposite direction of more than a few things.
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| My standard type of picture-less book: a psychological analysis of evil... |
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| My book for the week: 200+ pages of positive stuff |
October 8, 2013
Week 9- FINISHED
No. I didn't forget about you. I didn't forget about the blog. Actually, it's been on my mind all week.
I did it. I sat down and wrote letters to people. I took the time with a paper and pen and put the words down.
At first, it was really hard. Considering the things I read and the things I'm capable of, my letter-writing was (and still is) surprisingly immature. What do I mean? This:
I chose only 7 letters to send. I wrote several more, but voted against them. I picked people from my past and my present. There were a few obvious choices, and a few not so obvious ones. I have to say, I was also surprised by the letters themselves. Re-reading them, you would almost think that a different person wrote each one. The mood and language and style are just so....different. They are all painfully immature, but each in their own way.
Letters are conversations. Whether or not they are ongoing or two-way conversations is up to the sender and receiver. With that said, I asked questions that I actually wanted answered. I tried to avoid just rambling and "newslettering".
Among the letters that weren't sent, there was one that stood out. It was a letter to myself. You see, on Sunday, I damn near had a complete and total meltdown in a coffee shop. I couldn't do it. After months of studying and cramming and memorizing and drilling and blah blah blah I just hit a point where I was DONE. There was almost some eyewater, it was so bad. After staring at the same concept for 10 minutes and having nothing make sense, I was ready to call it quits and say 'screw this test' and go get friendly with my well-stocked liquor shelf. But I didn't. I picked up the pen and just started writing. It was a scathing letter or reproach, at least it started out that way.
"How dare you" "pansy" "#*$@*!" "Grow a pair" "suck it up"...Yeah, those were the nicer things in the start. But as I continued writing, the tone changed completely. "Don't quit" "I know it's hard, but..." "it's okay" "you can do it". So it really was a conversation, with myself. Sounds nutso, but it is what it is.
On a much less aggressive level, the same thing happened in the letters I wrote to others. Particularly two of them. They began very cut-and-dry. "Hi. I hope you're well. I'm okay..." But later on it got more sincere. "I miss this." "do you remember that?" It brought back all kinds of things that I hadn't thought of.
So, I suppose in a way, that letter-writing is healing. (If that's the right word). Writing about one good memory gave rise to another and another then another. I could have written pages, but I figured that I should only subject people to small doses of my barely-legible handwriting at a time (seriously, I must be a genius, because my handwriting is crap! hahaha)
I think I might hold on to this one for a while. If for no other reason than that I bought a pad of letter-writing paper and might as well use it for the intended purpose.
I did it. I sat down and wrote letters to people. I took the time with a paper and pen and put the words down.
At first, it was really hard. Considering the things I read and the things I'm capable of, my letter-writing was (and still is) surprisingly immature. What do I mean? This:
It was kind of sad, actually. I speak 3.5 languages (Spanish is the .5, it would take me some time to get back into that). I read psychology textbooks for fun. I enjoy crosswords, Sudoku, Scrabble, Mahjong and several other "intellectual"-type pursuits. But my letter writing would never reflect that...
Dear (name):
Hi! How are you? I'm fine. How have things been going.....
(blah blah blah blah blah)
Take care,
KiteGirl
I chose only 7 letters to send. I wrote several more, but voted against them. I picked people from my past and my present. There were a few obvious choices, and a few not so obvious ones. I have to say, I was also surprised by the letters themselves. Re-reading them, you would almost think that a different person wrote each one. The mood and language and style are just so....different. They are all painfully immature, but each in their own way.
Letters are conversations. Whether or not they are ongoing or two-way conversations is up to the sender and receiver. With that said, I asked questions that I actually wanted answered. I tried to avoid just rambling and "newslettering".
Among the letters that weren't sent, there was one that stood out. It was a letter to myself. You see, on Sunday, I damn near had a complete and total meltdown in a coffee shop. I couldn't do it. After months of studying and cramming and memorizing and drilling and blah blah blah I just hit a point where I was DONE. There was almost some eyewater, it was so bad. After staring at the same concept for 10 minutes and having nothing make sense, I was ready to call it quits and say 'screw this test' and go get friendly with my well-stocked liquor shelf. But I didn't. I picked up the pen and just started writing. It was a scathing letter or reproach, at least it started out that way.
"How dare you" "pansy" "#*$@*!" "Grow a pair" "suck it up"...Yeah, those were the nicer things in the start. But as I continued writing, the tone changed completely. "Don't quit" "I know it's hard, but..." "it's okay" "you can do it". So it really was a conversation, with myself. Sounds nutso, but it is what it is.
On a much less aggressive level, the same thing happened in the letters I wrote to others. Particularly two of them. They began very cut-and-dry. "Hi. I hope you're well. I'm okay..." But later on it got more sincere. "I miss this." "do you remember that?" It brought back all kinds of things that I hadn't thought of.
So, I suppose in a way, that letter-writing is healing. (If that's the right word). Writing about one good memory gave rise to another and another then another. I could have written pages, but I figured that I should only subject people to small doses of my barely-legible handwriting at a time (seriously, I must be a genius, because my handwriting is crap! hahaha)
I think I might hold on to this one for a while. If for no other reason than that I bought a pad of letter-writing paper and might as well use it for the intended purpose.
September 29, 2013
Week 9- A Letter to...
Week 9 is rushed and late and all kinds of lame and I'm sorry. I just....haven't been myself lately (even more so than usual). I believe I have mastered the art of "spazzing", though. If I keep it up, I might give someone ELSE a heart attack....
Here's the Deal
I'll be writing a letter to at least two people a day.
Say What?!
It doesn't seem like much, but think about it: a letter. An actual handwritten letter. It'll have to be something substantial, as well, because I'm mailing these letters internationally (for the most part, at least) so none of this second-grade pen pal business.
Why?
Because when was the last time you got a letter in the mail? I mean an actual letter. And a handwritten one, at that. e-mail is lovely, I have an ongoing love-hate relationship with Skype, and Facebook makes it seem like I'm right next to EVERY person I know (I still haven't decided if that's a good thing or not)...
The last time I got a letter in the mail was...so long ago I can't remember. It means a lot more (at least I think it does) when someone takes the time to put pen (NEVER PENCIL!) on paper and write something out. Sure, my handwriting is garbage (or 'chicken-scratch' as my twin brother so lovingly puts it), so it'll take a little deciphering, but I think it's a bit more...personal...to get a letter when someone has actually written it by hand. Besides, typing is overrated. There are little nuances (in my writing, at least) that can never show up in type-written work.
Plus, I don't know about you, but I LIKE getting letters in the mail. Most of what I get is bills, advertisements and stuff to the previous tenant. Something for me that's not requesting payment or suggesting I spend (or donate) money would be a nice change....
I'll write to just about anyone, even if I don't know you, so send me an address!
Here's the Deal
I'll be writing a letter to at least two people a day.
Say What?!
It doesn't seem like much, but think about it: a letter. An actual handwritten letter. It'll have to be something substantial, as well, because I'm mailing these letters internationally (for the most part, at least) so none of this second-grade pen pal business.
Why?
Because when was the last time you got a letter in the mail? I mean an actual letter. And a handwritten one, at that. e-mail is lovely, I have an ongoing love-hate relationship with Skype, and Facebook makes it seem like I'm right next to EVERY person I know (I still haven't decided if that's a good thing or not)...
The last time I got a letter in the mail was...so long ago I can't remember. It means a lot more (at least I think it does) when someone takes the time to put pen (NEVER PENCIL!) on paper and write something out. Sure, my handwriting is garbage (or 'chicken-scratch' as my twin brother so lovingly puts it), so it'll take a little deciphering, but I think it's a bit more...personal...to get a letter when someone has actually written it by hand. Besides, typing is overrated. There are little nuances (in my writing, at least) that can never show up in type-written work.
Plus, I don't know about you, but I LIKE getting letters in the mail. Most of what I get is bills, advertisements and stuff to the previous tenant. Something for me that's not requesting payment or suggesting I spend (or donate) money would be a nice change....
I'll write to just about anyone, even if I don't know you, so send me an address!
| Yes, I own a calligraphy pen. No, I have NO idea or desire to use it. I can barely use a pencil properly! |
September 4, 2013
Liar Liar- Day 7
The last day....at last.
While I doubt there will be any lasting changes, I'm at least a bit more aware of things.
Let me throw this out there right now:
My director is cool and all, but there are times when I just wanna smack her and say "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" Reason? The series of lies that follow.
I had made plans to meet someone after work. Work finishes at 7.30. I LOVE my TIME. Even if all I do is sit around and channel surf, it doesn't matter, because it's MY TIME. Anyways, she arranged for a potential student to come in BETWEEN 7:30 and 8, then proceeded to make it MY problem when I told her that that wasn't gonna fly. So I lied and said "okay, whatever. sure." (because I was already peeved and trying to politely explain wasn't going to work well) the girl came and was all fine and good. I was expecting a 2-3 minute meet and greet.Yeah, no. She looked at me expectantly and said "aren't you going to give her a test?" Test? I don't level test kids, especially AFTER work for a class I don't even that I know I want to teach.
Don't you just love that isht? Then she wanted me to talk to the mom and sit there and smile and nod for another 15 minutes while they blathered on in Korean about things that had nothing to do with the class. Non-verbal lies for the win. I'm so flippin' sick of the smile and nod of this place. Look, you want to work all hours of the night for next to nothing, go for it. But I don't and I won't.
Which is why I was more than a little peeved when I learned that she decided that classes were going to start on Thursday and I'd be getting about $18 per class. That's NOTHING. To say I was displeased is an understatement. "But, for Korean teachers, that's a lot of money to ask for..." I'm not a Korean teacher. At this point, I quit with the lies and said "No one would teach for $18 an hour. It's not worth it. Most private lessons start around $40 an hour. I'm getting less than half of that. Foreign teachers aren't cheap. Private lessons aren't cheap."
Then I FINALLY got to meet up with the person I was with and continued to lie...to myself. "Just one drink" "I'll go to the gym after this" "I'll study while I'm at the gym". Not so much. 1.5L of cheap Korean beer and popcorn later, and I wasn't about to go to the gym. I just wasn't feeling it. So of course, I didn't study. So glad the week is almost over. I see now that lying is a necessary evil to avoid snapping...
September 3, 2013
Liar Liar- Day 6
1) I CRAVE DEAD ANIMAL ON A PLATE.
In my last class, my students asked me what I liked better: bacon or steak. I died a little inside. Steak is the king of meats, but bacon can redeem ANYTHING! So I rambled off something and didn't answer. My inner fatkid has been all kinds of crazy since I stopped photographing everything that went into my mouth (apparently I eat a lot less fruit and more processed cheese than I should...)
In my last class, I made myself crazy looking at photos of food porn. America, I miss you.
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| What I wanted...(yes, that's 4+ pounds of burger between two pizzas) |
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| What I ate...(Sad Korean version of a BigMac) |
I have a class of two boys. I like their class, because it's 45 minutes long, and the one kid is usually 10-15 minutes late. By that time, I don't really have enough time left for a full lesson so...yeah. See where that's going? They asked if I liked the book we were studying. I HATE the book. And I told them so. I think now that they understand that I don't enjoy plowing through the material any more than they do, they've cut me a bit of slack, so to speak, on being the hardline study hound.
In another class, we were talking about education, specifically the Korean education system. they asked if I think hagwons are good. I gave a little disclaimer about working at one and said "as a general rule, no." There's really no need to have kids going to school during the day and then going to 5-10 DIFFERENT after school/weekend schools to learn, as well. If you want some extra help with math or want to learn about game science (which I think would be pretty cool), then go for it. But shoving a 13-year old in school from 8am-10pm and then having them go to "extra lessons" on Saturday and "church classes" all day on Sunday? STOP THE MADNESS!
3) I got a phone call that left me more than a little confused. I wish that I hadn't pretended that I understood, because now I have questions that I don't really know that I want answered.
Liar Liar- Day 5
Not much to report here, mostly because I haven't been interacting with people much.
-SIKE!-
The day started off well enough, with me lying myself silly.
"I'll study in a few minutes. Just a few more minutes and then I'll study for sure."
Yeah, not so much. I wasted a good part of the day with that nonsense.
Then I got to church and promptly fell asleep. I've heard that it's a sign that I find church to be a comfortable place, but I have other (more "logical") reasons in mind. I'm only ever knocked out for the sermon. I wake up right as he's wrapping up, I never catch more than a few seconds at the end.
Why am I telling you this? Because afterwards the pastor asked about the sermon (I had asked for some advice and he was referencing what he had talked about) and I drew a total blank because I was way off in Sleepyland. I stumbled over a sorry attempt to answer and then he gave me the answer.
Non-verbal 1: So I sorta kinda went out with this guy (once, ONLY ONCE) and it was kinda really awkward. I did NOT want to see his face ever again. When we met, he told me that he worked in Gaeksa (the downtown area), but I didn't know at which shop. Well...I found out. It's on the main strip, and it was the place where I buy my headphones (I kill headsets on a regular basis). Anyways, the nonverbal this time was that I'm pretty sure that he saw me...and I immediately pretended that I had gotten a phone call to avoid ANY kind of interaction. I wasn't being mean, it's just that he was a COMPLETE PERVERT. (No. I'm not kidding. The FIRST *and only* time we met, he asked if we'd go to a motel...)
Non-verbal 2: of the day: So, there's a small English school under my apartment (same building, first floor) The teacher is creepy, to put it lightly. I came in from church yesterday and he goes "ah, today finish early?" I smiled and nodded "uh-huh" pretending to give a damn while resisting the urge to gag.
-SIKE!-
The day started off well enough, with me lying myself silly.
"I'll study in a few minutes. Just a few more minutes and then I'll study for sure."
Yeah, not so much. I wasted a good part of the day with that nonsense.
Then I got to church and promptly fell asleep. I've heard that it's a sign that I find church to be a comfortable place, but I have other (more "logical") reasons in mind. I'm only ever knocked out for the sermon. I wake up right as he's wrapping up, I never catch more than a few seconds at the end.
Why am I telling you this? Because afterwards the pastor asked about the sermon (I had asked for some advice and he was referencing what he had talked about) and I drew a total blank because I was way off in Sleepyland. I stumbled over a sorry attempt to answer and then he gave me the answer.
Non-verbal 1: So I sorta kinda went out with this guy (once, ONLY ONCE) and it was kinda really awkward. I did NOT want to see his face ever again. When we met, he told me that he worked in Gaeksa (the downtown area), but I didn't know at which shop. Well...I found out. It's on the main strip, and it was the place where I buy my headphones (I kill headsets on a regular basis). Anyways, the nonverbal this time was that I'm pretty sure that he saw me...and I immediately pretended that I had gotten a phone call to avoid ANY kind of interaction. I wasn't being mean, it's just that he was a COMPLETE PERVERT. (No. I'm not kidding. The FIRST *and only* time we met, he asked if we'd go to a motel...)
Non-verbal 2: of the day: So, there's a small English school under my apartment (same building, first floor) The teacher is creepy, to put it lightly. I came in from church yesterday and he goes "ah, today finish early?" I smiled and nodded "uh-huh" pretending to give a damn while resisting the urge to gag.
September 1, 2013
Liar Liar- Day 4
So...yeah. Day 4 went without much incident.
I told my kids that I "love boshintang" (Dog soup) and that I think dog tastes good. That was just for kicks because I love the expression on their faces when I say that. In reality, I've never eaten the stuff and likely never will. If I didn't know what it was it'd probably be fine, but considering that most boshintang restaurants have pictures of the "livestock" plastered everywhere, I doubt that will happen.
In a later class, I said "I don't care" when asked about the assignment I gave. They were just making me all kinds of crazy. Truth be told, I did care. I wanted to know how in the heebie-jeebies someone could be learning English at their level and not understand what I was saying.
When I look back on it, perhaps I'm being a bit hard on them, seeing as how they're only kids and they're learning a foreign language in an English-only classroom, but DAMN WAS I HEATED. Every day it's something different. "I can't find my book" "I don't know the answer" "teacher" "teacher..." "teacher..." "teacher..." I don't think I'm cut out to be a mom, because it feels like this, except that I'm a teacher, so I can get rid of them at the end of class.
The end of the day was so "RAWR" that I found myself wanting a pack of cigarettes, and I don't even smoke.
So, I've clarified for myself another reason that people lie: to get through the day and just because they can.
I told my kids that I "love boshintang" (Dog soup) and that I think dog tastes good. That was just for kicks because I love the expression on their faces when I say that. In reality, I've never eaten the stuff and likely never will. If I didn't know what it was it'd probably be fine, but considering that most boshintang restaurants have pictures of the "livestock" plastered everywhere, I doubt that will happen.
In a later class, I said "I don't care" when asked about the assignment I gave. They were just making me all kinds of crazy. Truth be told, I did care. I wanted to know how in the heebie-jeebies someone could be learning English at their level and not understand what I was saying.
When I look back on it, perhaps I'm being a bit hard on them, seeing as how they're only kids and they're learning a foreign language in an English-only classroom, but DAMN WAS I HEATED. Every day it's something different. "I can't find my book" "I don't know the answer" "teacher" "teacher..." "teacher..." "teacher..." I don't think I'm cut out to be a mom, because it feels like this, except that I'm a teacher, so I can get rid of them at the end of class.
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| Yeeeeup. |
So, I've clarified for myself another reason that people lie: to get through the day and just because they can.
August 29, 2013
Liar Liar- Day 3
I'm propped up against an over sized teddy bear on my laundry floor as I write this. I want to hear the rain. *yep, it's gonna be one of those posts*
Once again, I failed miserably.
I nearly lost it with my boss and reverted to my "it's okay, never mind, forget it" to avoid going completely ballistic on her. Money was involved and she was (and continues to) play the stupid cheapskate.
So I got home and poured myself a rather stiff drink. A bit too stiff, actually. I couldn't focus because my good buddy Abolut was coursing through my bloodstream...But I guess that was supposed to happen, because I relaxed. And then it happened.
I thought of someone from my past and said "Screw him. I don't care." THAT'S a lie if I ever heard one. I don't care about him as a human being.What I do care about is what he said. It was an echo of something I've been fighting with since I decided to give a damn about boys. What? Okay, I'll tell you. But promise not to yell at your screen, okay?
Yep. He (along with my other 2 well-chosen exes) seemed like a nice guy, and he was fun and I liked being around him and that phrase came out of his mouth. Kicked me flat on my face. Of course, I sucked it up and laughed it off. But the moment the door closed, I cried until it hurt to breathe.
Boo-hoo, sad friggin' story. This isn't a diary. This is about lying. And what THAT has to do with THIS is that I see that even now I lie to myself. I say "I don't care." when I really do. I care a lot. I can't wrap my head around how people can still be hung up on skin color. And it's not even old people. No. It's people my age and younger. So that's one lie that I hope will soon become truth. I want to say "I don't care" and honestly not care. But yeah...I pretend that I don't care when people stare at us (myself and the Unicorn Waker *he's Korean*) . I say "I know." when he says "너 만 본다." ("I only see you") I laugh it off when he asks if I'm jealous...
Lying has become ingrained in my life, whether I like it or not. And the more that I look at it and try to fight it, the harder it gets. The 'socially acceptable' and 'white lies' are what I'm really having a hard time with this week.
I wanted to rail into my boss and tell her where to stick her cheap self, but I didn't. I held back and said "no no, it's fine" to avoid a conflict that might have gotten me fired ("calm conflict" or simple "heated discussions" and I do NOT know how to get along).
AND THEN I WROTE REPORT CARDS.
40+ pages of stylized lying; all for the sake of the precious snowflakes.
What I wrote: Little Jack is a great kid, but needs to settle down a little.
What I meant: Your child is demon spawn, submerge him in holy water.
What I wrote: Susie doesn't participate much.
What I meant: Half the time I don't know if she's in class, or just an empty shell, because the only sound I ever hear from her is shoes on the way in and out
What I said: Learning is an active process.
What I meant: WAKE UP, DANGIT! DROOLING ON MY TEXTBOOK ISN'T GOING TO MAGICALLY SUCK THE MATERIAL INTO YOUR BRAIN!
What I said: She has a hard time focusing
What I meant: Yes, yes, I know. The world is ending because your new school uniform is ugly. Text and scream about it AFTER class.
What I said: I hope to see some improvement next month.
What I meant: Your child is an idiot. You might want to keep a close eye on him, as he'll likely find a way to drown in a urinal.
What I said: I'd like to see him put in more effort.
What I meant: If you're going to copy another student's answers, make sure their answers are right. Or at least, COPY FROM THE CORRECT BOOK, STUPID!
And so on and so forth. Because in a hagwon (private tutoring school) you can't tell the parents that their precious snowflakes are anything but supercalifragilisticexpialagenius.
Once again, I failed miserably.
I nearly lost it with my boss and reverted to my "it's okay, never mind, forget it" to avoid going completely ballistic on her. Money was involved and she was (and continues to) play the stupid cheapskate.
So I got home and poured myself a rather stiff drink. A bit too stiff, actually. I couldn't focus because my good buddy Abolut was coursing through my bloodstream...But I guess that was supposed to happen, because I relaxed. And then it happened.
I thought of someone from my past and said "Screw him. I don't care." THAT'S a lie if I ever heard one. I don't care about him as a human being.What I do care about is what he said. It was an echo of something I've been fighting with since I decided to give a damn about boys. What? Okay, I'll tell you. But promise not to yell at your screen, okay?
but....you're black.
Yep. He (along with my other 2 well-chosen exes) seemed like a nice guy, and he was fun and I liked being around him and that phrase came out of his mouth. Kicked me flat on my face. Of course, I sucked it up and laughed it off. But the moment the door closed, I cried until it hurt to breathe.
Boo-hoo, sad friggin' story. This isn't a diary. This is about lying. And what THAT has to do with THIS is that I see that even now I lie to myself. I say "I don't care." when I really do. I care a lot. I can't wrap my head around how people can still be hung up on skin color. And it's not even old people. No. It's people my age and younger. So that's one lie that I hope will soon become truth. I want to say "I don't care" and honestly not care. But yeah...I pretend that I don't care when people stare at us (myself and the Unicorn Waker *he's Korean*) . I say "I know." when he says "너 만 본다." ("I only see you") I laugh it off when he asks if I'm jealous...
Lying has become ingrained in my life, whether I like it or not. And the more that I look at it and try to fight it, the harder it gets. The 'socially acceptable' and 'white lies' are what I'm really having a hard time with this week.
I wanted to rail into my boss and tell her where to stick her cheap self, but I didn't. I held back and said "no no, it's fine" to avoid a conflict that might have gotten me fired ("calm conflict" or simple "heated discussions" and I do NOT know how to get along).
AND THEN I WROTE REPORT CARDS.
40+ pages of stylized lying; all for the sake of the precious snowflakes.
What I wrote: Little Jack is a great kid, but needs to settle down a little.
What I meant: Your child is demon spawn, submerge him in holy water.
What I wrote: Susie doesn't participate much.
What I meant: Half the time I don't know if she's in class, or just an empty shell, because the only sound I ever hear from her is shoes on the way in and out
What I said: Learning is an active process.
What I meant: WAKE UP, DANGIT! DROOLING ON MY TEXTBOOK ISN'T GOING TO MAGICALLY SUCK THE MATERIAL INTO YOUR BRAIN!
What I said: She has a hard time focusing
What I meant: Yes, yes, I know. The world is ending because your new school uniform is ugly. Text and scream about it AFTER class.
What I said: I hope to see some improvement next month.
What I meant: Your child is an idiot. You might want to keep a close eye on him, as he'll likely find a way to drown in a urinal.
What I said: I'd like to see him put in more effort.
What I meant: If you're going to copy another student's answers, make sure their answers are right. Or at least, COPY FROM THE CORRECT BOOK, STUPID!
And so on and so forth. Because in a hagwon (private tutoring school) you can't tell the parents that their precious snowflakes are anything but supercalifragilisticexpialagenius.
Liar Liar- Day 2
Day two was...a look into why people lie.
The day started out well enough. But then I called my cousin. I really liked talking to her, but then I spoke to my grandmother. I love my grandmother, at least I think I do, in the sense that she's my grandmother. But that's where the reason behind lying comes in.
She's old, to put it lightly, somewhere around late 80's, if I remember correctly. She's also not in the best of health, mentally or physically. Memory problems...you see where I'm going with this? Yeah...The conversation ran the usual bit and then she asked about my older brother. I stopped. I was going to tell her that he's been dead for more than five years now, but I couldn't tell her that. She sounded so happy when talking about him, she mentioned how he was the first person that she was going to visit when she went back home. And, I remember hearing the pain in her voice when I reminded her last time we spoke that he was dead. It wasn't even because of this week that I was going to tell her, but simply because it was fact, and in a way, it pissed me off. I remember the phone call that brought me to the floor. I remember taking exams and pretending to give a damn about the ethics of using children to advertise when I was going to watch them bury him days later. remember going to his funeral and looking at his cold, lifeless body. How I'd love to forget that. Yes, she's at a loss because she can't remember, but there are times I wish I could do that...forget that he was gone. But, I can't. I'm not saying that I wish for decreasing functionality via memory loss...but....yeah.
So I didn't tell her. I just said "yeah, okay. okay. okay." That was #1
The rest of the day went without much happening.
I'm wondering when the next one will come up, though. This one with that word in it. I say it, but I don't know if I mean it. at least, I'm not 100% sure that I mean it. I've thought I meant it before, but even if it's not on purpose, if you say something and it's not true, then it's a lie...
"I love you" is one of the worst lies you can tell, as far as I'm concerned...and yet...
I'm finding that I lie to myself, too. On the treadmill yesterday, I kept saying "you're almost finished! Just a few more minutes!" knowing full well that I intended to run for a good bit longer. Then when I finished I said "it's better than nothing". Yeah, no it wasn't. Heh. On to day 3...
The day started out well enough. But then I called my cousin. I really liked talking to her, but then I spoke to my grandmother. I love my grandmother, at least I think I do, in the sense that she's my grandmother. But that's where the reason behind lying comes in.
She's old, to put it lightly, somewhere around late 80's, if I remember correctly. She's also not in the best of health, mentally or physically. Memory problems...you see where I'm going with this? Yeah...The conversation ran the usual bit and then she asked about my older brother. I stopped. I was going to tell her that he's been dead for more than five years now, but I couldn't tell her that. She sounded so happy when talking about him, she mentioned how he was the first person that she was going to visit when she went back home. And, I remember hearing the pain in her voice when I reminded her last time we spoke that he was dead. It wasn't even because of this week that I was going to tell her, but simply because it was fact, and in a way, it pissed me off. I remember the phone call that brought me to the floor. I remember taking exams and pretending to give a damn about the ethics of using children to advertise when I was going to watch them bury him days later. remember going to his funeral and looking at his cold, lifeless body. How I'd love to forget that. Yes, she's at a loss because she can't remember, but there are times I wish I could do that...forget that he was gone. But, I can't. I'm not saying that I wish for decreasing functionality via memory loss...but....yeah.
So I didn't tell her. I just said "yeah, okay. okay. okay." That was #1
The rest of the day went without much happening.
I'm wondering when the next one will come up, though. This one with that word in it. I say it, but I don't know if I mean it. at least, I'm not 100% sure that I mean it. I've thought I meant it before, but even if it's not on purpose, if you say something and it's not true, then it's a lie...
"I love you" is one of the worst lies you can tell, as far as I'm concerned...and yet...
I'm finding that I lie to myself, too. On the treadmill yesterday, I kept saying "you're almost finished! Just a few more minutes!" knowing full well that I intended to run for a good bit longer. Then when I finished I said "it's better than nothing". Yeah, no it wasn't. Heh. On to day 3...
August 28, 2013
Liar Liar- Day 1
Hah, so it was a bit harder than I thought it would be.
Why? Because I had to ask for a paystub and my boss threw a fit. Within 15 minutse of getting to work, the first fib surfaced. Apparently, asking for a paystub is saying that I don't trust her to take the proper deductions. While yes, that is true, that's not the ONLY reason I want it. I'd like to have a record of my income for myself, and a piece of paper smaller than a Post-it isn't cutting it anymore.
So, I told her that I needed it for the bank, that got her to mellow a bit, but I mean, DAMN. Is a paystub really such a big deal? It's bad enough that I don't have a set payday, but then that sorry excuse for a paystub...yeah, no.
Then along came #2...this was non-verbal.
One of my students came in super excited and rambled off some long story in Korean about her class and her dad and something else...and I didn't understand a good 70~80 percent of it, yet I smiled and nodded and picked up on enough of her nonverbal cues to know to laugh and say "아! 정말! 재미있겠다!" (Ah, really! That sounds like fun!). That's another thing I really need to stop, but that's part of what this week is for. Living in a foreign country, I've gotten R-E-A-L-L-Y good at picking up on non-verbal cues and just being able to pretend that I understand.
I can get by based on context, but, considering what I'm trying to undertake, that's not going to work. I'm realizing that even more now, as I have conversations with He Who Wakes the Rainbow Farting Unicorn and miss important details.
Then there was #3...
I got a message and pretended that I didn't see it, because I didn't feel like answering. It wouldn't have killed me, but MAN, I just didn't want to talk to them.
And that was it for day 1.
Why? Because I had to ask for a paystub and my boss threw a fit. Within 15 minutse of getting to work, the first fib surfaced. Apparently, asking for a paystub is saying that I don't trust her to take the proper deductions. While yes, that is true, that's not the ONLY reason I want it. I'd like to have a record of my income for myself, and a piece of paper smaller than a Post-it isn't cutting it anymore.
So, I told her that I needed it for the bank, that got her to mellow a bit, but I mean, DAMN. Is a paystub really such a big deal? It's bad enough that I don't have a set payday, but then that sorry excuse for a paystub...yeah, no.
Then along came #2...this was non-verbal.
One of my students came in super excited and rambled off some long story in Korean about her class and her dad and something else...and I didn't understand a good 70~80 percent of it, yet I smiled and nodded and picked up on enough of her nonverbal cues to know to laugh and say "아! 정말! 재미있겠다!" (Ah, really! That sounds like fun!). That's another thing I really need to stop, but that's part of what this week is for. Living in a foreign country, I've gotten R-E-A-L-L-Y good at picking up on non-verbal cues and just being able to pretend that I understand.
I can get by based on context, but, considering what I'm trying to undertake, that's not going to work. I'm realizing that even more now, as I have conversations with He Who Wakes the Rainbow Farting Unicorn and miss important details.
Then there was #3...
I got a message and pretended that I didn't see it, because I didn't feel like answering. It wouldn't have killed me, but MAN, I just didn't want to talk to them.
And that was it for day 1.
August 27, 2013
Week 8- Liar Liar...
pants on fire, hanging from the telephone wire...
So I've been thinking about what to do for August. I didn't forget, and I didn't fall off the map. I just...didn't want to fill in the blanks with something trivial or stupid (I've got more than a few ideas along those lines, like eating only processed food or only drinking diet soda or ending every sentence with "meow"...). but I've decided, as you may have guessed from the title.
100% honesty (or as close as possible)
Here's the Deal
I know, I know. It sounds like the way it should be anyways, but it's not. You and I both know that. I'm not just talking excuses and big things, I'm nixing the little white lies we tell as well, both verbally AND non-verbally. for the week, I want to see what happens when I'm completely honest. Can I even do it without going full she-witch? It'll be a bit more difficult because I'm a teacher, and as we all know, the feelings of the precious snowflakes known as students must be kept in mind while gently guiding them along the pathway of education (despite the fact that often, resisting the urge to put that hardcover dictionary to good use on the back of their head is quite difficult.) I won't be able to smile and say "good job, at least you tried" or "yes, that's fine" and move on, just to avoid frustration.
Say What?!
I will be ENTIRELY honest for a week. White lies, "smile-and nods" and other non-verbal communication, included. It also includes lying by omission to "keep the peace" or "make things easier". I'm not gonna go on a rampage and use it as a chance to rip into everyone I've ever wanted to, though...that would take far too long and I'll still need to deal with people after this week is over.
Why?
I want to see what happens when I cut the niceties and just say what's what. A bit more difficult than it sounds, because it is NOT a license to go full-on douche. Because it'd be really easy, and actually a bit enjoyable at first. But there's this l-i-t-t-l-e thing called "socially acceptable behavior" that stands in the way, haha.
Most of us are prolific liars. Not in the sense that people usually see the phrase to the point where you can't be believed about anything, but really...think about it. We tell "white lies" "half truths" "save face" and "spare feelings".Think you don't? Quick check...when's the last time you said or did any of these:
-"I'm fine" when you weren't?
-pretended you were tired (or busy, or had to go or something come up) to avoid a conversation?
-set your status/phone/skype to "busy" even though you weren't?
-"oh, no problem" "it's okay" or some variation when it wasn't true?
-asked about someone you know you don't give a damn about just talk ( a la "how's so-and-so"?)
-smiled and said "nice to meet you" or "have a good day" despite not caring?
-"I'm leaving now" or "I'll be there in 5 minutes"...
-pretended not to hear someone
-"you look fine" "you look great" "I LOVE your hair!"
Yeah, more common that you thought, huh? Back to my point: even a lot of the socially programmed interactions "hi, how are you?" "I'm fine, you?" are lies. It's not having a conversation, it's filling in the blanks. Going through an oft-rehearsed scene. Harmless, but still lies. I can appreciate this point. If it's not true, then it's false. There is no gray area. It can't be "kind of true". It's either a yes or a no. You did or you didn't. It is or it isn't. Absolutes are wonderful.
This week will be a test of the tongue, to put it lightly,. I've a feeling that I'll be a bit less...'vocal' than usual...
So I've been thinking about what to do for August. I didn't forget, and I didn't fall off the map. I just...didn't want to fill in the blanks with something trivial or stupid (I've got more than a few ideas along those lines, like eating only processed food or only drinking diet soda or ending every sentence with "meow"...). but I've decided, as you may have guessed from the title.
100% honesty (or as close as possible)
Here's the Deal
I know, I know. It sounds like the way it should be anyways, but it's not. You and I both know that. I'm not just talking excuses and big things, I'm nixing the little white lies we tell as well, both verbally AND non-verbally. for the week, I want to see what happens when I'm completely honest. Can I even do it without going full she-witch? It'll be a bit more difficult because I'm a teacher, and as we all know, the feelings of the precious snowflakes known as students must be kept in mind while gently guiding them along the pathway of education (despite the fact that often, resisting the urge to put that hardcover dictionary to good use on the back of their head is quite difficult.) I won't be able to smile and say "good job, at least you tried" or "yes, that's fine" and move on, just to avoid frustration.
Say What?!
I will be ENTIRELY honest for a week. White lies, "smile-and nods" and other non-verbal communication, included. It also includes lying by omission to "keep the peace" or "make things easier". I'm not gonna go on a rampage and use it as a chance to rip into everyone I've ever wanted to, though...that would take far too long and I'll still need to deal with people after this week is over.
Why?
I want to see what happens when I cut the niceties and just say what's what. A bit more difficult than it sounds, because it is NOT a license to go full-on douche. Because it'd be really easy, and actually a bit enjoyable at first. But there's this l-i-t-t-l-e thing called "socially acceptable behavior" that stands in the way, haha.
Most of us are prolific liars. Not in the sense that people usually see the phrase to the point where you can't be believed about anything, but really...think about it. We tell "white lies" "half truths" "save face" and "spare feelings".Think you don't? Quick check...when's the last time you said or did any of these:
-"I'm fine" when you weren't?
-pretended you were tired (or busy, or had to go or something come up) to avoid a conversation?
-set your status/phone/skype to "busy" even though you weren't?
-"oh, no problem" "it's okay" or some variation when it wasn't true?
-asked about someone you know you don't give a damn about just talk ( a la "how's so-and-so"?)
-smiled and said "nice to meet you" or "have a good day" despite not caring?
-"I'm leaving now" or "I'll be there in 5 minutes"...
-pretended not to hear someone
-"you look fine" "you look great" "I LOVE your hair!"
Yeah, more common that you thought, huh? Back to my point: even a lot of the socially programmed interactions "hi, how are you?" "I'm fine, you?" are lies. It's not having a conversation, it's filling in the blanks. Going through an oft-rehearsed scene. Harmless, but still lies. I can appreciate this point. If it's not true, then it's false. There is no gray area. It can't be "kind of true". It's either a yes or a no. You did or you didn't. It is or it isn't. Absolutes are wonderful.
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| Well, when you put it that way, it sounds kinda bad... |
This week will be a test of the tongue, to put it lightly,. I've a feeling that I'll be a bit less...'vocal' than usual...
July 25, 2013
Week 7- FINISHED
Yes, you read correctly. Your computer isn't missing anything there's no problem with my blog. There just aren't entries for days 5-7.
I failed and a half and I also took almost an entire week to write the "FINISHED" blog. Sorry about that.
I gave up because I was frustrated. There was so that I wanted to say, but I just couldn't say it. Not speaking English definitely cut down on my snarking, though. Doing it in Korean or Japanese just wouldn't work because 1) I'm in South Korea and 2) a lot of people here know basic Japanese. So I was kinder this week, if for not reason other than forced omission.
I did miss my TV shows and my music and my video games, but the week made me realize how much English I really use and how much harder I could be pushing myself. My TV programs are in English, my music is in English, my video games are in English and with the exception of textbooks and the Korean book I purchased last week, all of my books are in English (not that I read them. hahaha)
The first day was probably the roughest. I went to watch TV and couldn't watch the series I had because even though it was in Japanese, the subtitles were in English. I had a hard time falling asleep because the series that I fall asleep to, while originally Japanese, had be re-dubbed in English.
Ah, music. I like more foreign music than I thought. Let's see, I have: Swedish, Russian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Spanish (Mexican), Spanish (Colombian) and German. What can I say? I like what I like...There was also a lot of electronic and house that just didn't have lyrics. My favorite workout songs where a no-go, though. But I still had about 5 hours of Japanese Rhythm Game music to go off of.
It was irritating. But I got through it. I found a few new way-interesting TV programs, as well. Sure, they come on at about 3~4 am, but they're still interesting.
My listening honestly got a bit better during the week, though I did still do some Mystery Science Theater-ing when I was totally lost. And I'm super thankful that many Korean programs have subtitles in Korean...
But yeah, I quit. The week was a bust. My test wasn't so hard.
I was at the gym on Friday night (because I'm that kind of awesome). I kept looking at the clock on the wall, and when it finally said 12:00, I switched it to the first English song in the mix...it was the ever-classy 3OH!3...
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| Words, I missed you! |
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