Liar Liar- Day 2

Day two was...a look into why people lie.

The day started out well enough. But then I called my cousin. I really liked talking to her, but then I spoke to my grandmother. I love my grandmother, at least I think I do, in the sense that she's my grandmother. But that's where the reason behind lying comes in.

She's old, to put it lightly, somewhere around late 80's, if I remember correctly. She's also not in the best of health, mentally or physically. Memory problems...you see where I'm going with this? Yeah...The conversation ran the usual bit and then she asked about my older brother. I stopped. I was going to tell her that he's been dead for more than five years now, but I couldn't tell her that. She sounded so happy when talking about him, she mentioned how he was the first person that she was going to visit when she went back home. And, I remember hearing the pain in her voice when I reminded her last time we spoke that he was dead. It wasn't even because of this week that I was going to tell her, but simply because it was fact, and in a way, it pissed me off. I remember the phone call that brought me to the floor. I remember taking exams and pretending to give a damn about the ethics of using children to advertise when I was going to watch them bury him days later. remember going to his funeral and looking at his cold, lifeless body. How I'd love to forget that. Yes, she's at a loss because she can't remember, but there are times I wish I could do that...forget that he was gone. But, I can't. I'm not saying that I wish for decreasing functionality via memory loss...but....yeah.

So I didn't tell her. I just said "yeah, okay. okay. okay." That was #1

The rest of the day went without much happening.

I'm wondering when the next one will come up, though. This one with that word in it. I say it, but I don't know if I mean it. at least, I'm not 100% sure that I mean it. I've thought I meant it before, but even if it's not on purpose, if you say something and it's not true, then it's a lie...
"I love you" is one of the worst lies you can tell, as far as I'm concerned...and yet...

I'm finding that I lie to myself, too. On the treadmill yesterday, I kept saying "you're almost finished! Just a few more minutes!" knowing full well that I intended to run for a good bit longer. Then when I finished I said "it's better than nothing". Yeah, no it wasn't. Heh. On to day 3...