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October 29, 2013

Reading Rainbow- Day 2

Halloween is coming soon.

Up until now, it has easily been one of my favorite holidays. It brings out even more of my out-there childish side. But this year, I can honestly say: I don't care.  Perhaps I'm giving in to the people who keep saying that Halloween is for kids and slutbags. I just don't feel like going out and buying or making a costume for a day to play with kids I barely tolerate at a job that's moving toward soul-sucking. And so this year, I have a plan: I will go home and do whatever I feel like. If it happens to be Halloween themed, great. and if not, oh well.

I haven't felt like doing much of anything lately. Let alone read. Perhaps God has a strange sense of humor. During a time when I'd rather sleep my time away, I'm supposed to be reading a book about the power of words.

Wanna know how far I've gotten? 28 pages. Yup. Because that's how awesome I am. Two days in on a 200-something page book and I've just reached page 28.  I should have gotten further along in the book, but I just couldn't today.

Something about the content today just...infuriated me. There I was, stuck in a jail-cell of a classroom with a bunch of precious snowflakes who didn't know what to do when someone says "조용히!" (Be quiet!) and I was supposed to be on break, chugging through a book about the power of words and how we breathe life into our words. (HA!) Oh, I had some powerful words I would have LOVED to see come to life, all right. I had more than a few things I would have liked to have breathed some life into. Like a few rounds with a nice resilient whipping switch, for starters...

On a side note: I'm not usually this easily aggravated. I just haven't been having it lately and the whole "I have to pretend to give a crap about Halloween' thing was really weighing on me (among other things). But man...none of it was sinking in then, and it still hasn't now.

I really regret not choosing something darker or more scientific. The optimist in me lost out quite some time ago, and so reading about how "changing your words will change your life" really seems to be an exercise in banging my head on a wall.

It's kind of like this: when you're having a lousy day, you don't want people to say "hey, cheer up, here's some good news!" or "hey...it could be worse", or even better "it's all in how you look at it" (or some variation of the aforementioned) . I don't know about you, but for me, I want to be left alone. If I want someone to cheer me up, I'll let you know. And no, I've never said "hey, I'm feeling bad. Can you help me cheer up?". Know why? BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE CHEERED UP, DAMMIT! Sometimes a good hissy fit is all you need to make yourself feel better.  But dang, it feels like the book is trying to do the cheering up, without an invitation...

1 comment:

  1. No sugar coated comments for your today. I like your just keeping it real stance. I await your re balancing. Just curious as to what that will look like when you realize God and you ( with the Holy Spirit in you) are in control. God is an AMAZING God. You know, big G God. Creator of EVERYTHING. Bring back the dead too! I trust Him with my salvation and EVERYTHING else including you. ... Fear not. For I know the plans I have for you;plans ...

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