Yes, I've been using the everliving crap out of my computer since 12am on Saturday. I'll fill you in on all the lessons and whatnot later. but first...
OH MY MUTHA MUTHA RAWWWWWR!!! YOU MAKE ME WANNA SMASH MY FACE INTO A WALL!!!!
I've never had anyone take over like this before and I can't (insert long string of words so explicit I can't even think of them here) STAND IT!
E FRICKING NOUGH!
February 24, 2013
February 15, 2013
Week 2- No laptop, minimal phone
So, midnight tonight starts it. Honestly, I'm not looking forward to it. But then again, I'm quite the sucker for punishment.
Here's the Deal: No laptop (or rogue computer usage at work) and minimal smartphone usage from midnight to midnight.
Say What?!
My laptop will remain off and away for the week. At work I'll not be checking facebook, hi5, gmarket, nate, msn or anything else that isn't DIRECTLY related to work. EXACTLY does minimal mean? Not picking the phone up "just to check". There are TWO reasons I'll use the phone. 1) someone messages me and I reply 2) Someone calls me. You know, the stuff a phone is SUPPOSED to be used for.
Why
I spend a lot of time doing nothing. and I do mean NOTHING. I hit the "refresh" button every five seconds, I reach for my phone. I suffer (and it really is suffering from) from phantom cell phone vibrations and notices. I was fine in high school when I didn't have a phone, and excited when I got one of my own. I'd forget it in my locker and not give a damn. I once dropped my phone in the snow and didn't find it until the snow melted 3 days later. I didn't spaz. I didn't spend the night wondering what calls and messages I had missed. It's now 10 years later (oh wow... I was in high school TEN YEARS AGO). My phone (and laptop) have become extensions of myself. I get nervous if I don't know the exact location of my phone. The first thing I do when I wake up is check my phone and laptop. For a while, my phone was even interrupting my workouts (BIG issue there...unfocused workouts ruin my day. Stupid messages and checking Facebook cause unfocused workouts). That stopped rather quickly, though. I leave my phone at home when I go to the gym. But then I race back to check it. As for the laptop, I just waste a lot of time and hit the refresh button. Let's see how much more relaxed (or obsessed) I am when the week is over...
How It's Going
I'll let you know at the end of the week. Believe me, come midnight, I'll be jumping on my laptop!
Here's the Deal: No laptop (or rogue computer usage at work) and minimal smartphone usage from midnight to midnight.
Say What?!
My laptop will remain off and away for the week. At work I'll not be checking facebook, hi5, gmarket, nate, msn or anything else that isn't DIRECTLY related to work. EXACTLY does minimal mean? Not picking the phone up "just to check". There are TWO reasons I'll use the phone. 1) someone messages me and I reply 2) Someone calls me. You know, the stuff a phone is SUPPOSED to be used for.
Why
I spend a lot of time doing nothing. and I do mean NOTHING. I hit the "refresh" button every five seconds, I reach for my phone. I suffer (and it really is suffering from) from phantom cell phone vibrations and notices. I was fine in high school when I didn't have a phone, and excited when I got one of my own. I'd forget it in my locker and not give a damn. I once dropped my phone in the snow and didn't find it until the snow melted 3 days later. I didn't spaz. I didn't spend the night wondering what calls and messages I had missed. It's now 10 years later (oh wow... I was in high school TEN YEARS AGO). My phone (and laptop) have become extensions of myself. I get nervous if I don't know the exact location of my phone. The first thing I do when I wake up is check my phone and laptop. For a while, my phone was even interrupting my workouts (BIG issue there...unfocused workouts ruin my day. Stupid messages and checking Facebook cause unfocused workouts). That stopped rather quickly, though. I leave my phone at home when I go to the gym. But then I race back to check it. As for the laptop, I just waste a lot of time and hit the refresh button. Let's see how much more relaxed (or obsessed) I am when the week is over...
How It's Going
I'll let you know at the end of the week. Believe me, come midnight, I'll be jumping on my laptop!
February 13, 2013
Lent
So it's that time of year again. Lent. Last year I gave up meat and was miserable and sickly. This year, I'm not giving anything up or adding anything. I'm doing nothing for Lent. I will go about my daily life as is.
Lent is a time of reflection and whatnot. It's representative of the 40 days and nights that Jesus spent in the desert being tempted. With that said, don't expect me to be impressed when you say "I'm giving up sex!" or "I'm giving up manicures." It's not that I'm looking down on you for it, it's just that I honestly don't care. What good will it do you to give something up knowing full well that you intend, at the earliest possible time, to resume the same behavior you gave up, with just as much (if not more) fervor than before? It's like being a fat kid on a diet and saying that once you finish your diet, you're gonna head for the buffet and eat until you can't lift your fork anymore.
Enough about that. (Though I could definitely carry on all day and then some). February is coming to a close rather quickly, and I still haven't decided what to do. It's too cold for the dress thing (not that I'm looking forward to it anyway). I'm stuck between my phone, my laptop and my TV.
I have an unhealthy relationship with those three things and I know it. I fall asleep with the TV on (though I usually set a sleep timer so its not on all night). I check my phone every five seconds. I could spend all day in bed with my laptop playing games and wasting time.
The idea behind the week of change was to do something different, something I wouldn't typically do, something uncomfortable. I use my TV to workout (playing a video game makes an hour on a bike go much faster), and I live in a country where the bank and post office text you. Next week, I'm giving up my laptop.
I've gone without my laptop before. Though it definitely wasn't by choice. This time is different because I'll have it with me. I'll just have to resist the urge to turn it on. I may go full kamikaze and give up my phone as well, or at least limit the amount of time I spend with it. Otherwise, I've got a smartphone, Kindle Fire, iPod and Playstation 3 to fill the void...
February 16-23> No Laptop, minimal phone usage.
Lent is a time of reflection and whatnot. It's representative of the 40 days and nights that Jesus spent in the desert being tempted. With that said, don't expect me to be impressed when you say "I'm giving up sex!" or "I'm giving up manicures." It's not that I'm looking down on you for it, it's just that I honestly don't care. What good will it do you to give something up knowing full well that you intend, at the earliest possible time, to resume the same behavior you gave up, with just as much (if not more) fervor than before? It's like being a fat kid on a diet and saying that once you finish your diet, you're gonna head for the buffet and eat until you can't lift your fork anymore.
Enough about that. (Though I could definitely carry on all day and then some). February is coming to a close rather quickly, and I still haven't decided what to do. It's too cold for the dress thing (not that I'm looking forward to it anyway). I'm stuck between my phone, my laptop and my TV.
I have an unhealthy relationship with those three things and I know it. I fall asleep with the TV on (though I usually set a sleep timer so its not on all night). I check my phone every five seconds. I could spend all day in bed with my laptop playing games and wasting time.
The idea behind the week of change was to do something different, something I wouldn't typically do, something uncomfortable. I use my TV to workout (playing a video game makes an hour on a bike go much faster), and I live in a country where the bank and post office text you. Next week, I'm giving up my laptop.
I've gone without my laptop before. Though it definitely wasn't by choice. This time is different because I'll have it with me. I'll just have to resist the urge to turn it on. I may go full kamikaze and give up my phone as well, or at least limit the amount of time I spend with it. Otherwise, I've got a smartphone, Kindle Fire, iPod and Playstation 3 to fill the void...
February 16-23> No Laptop, minimal phone usage.
February 8, 2013
Last of Five- A Message
So today's message, the last of my five (which ended up being six), was about anger and stuff.
I've just a l-i-t-t-l-e problem with anger.
Anger and I aren't friends. Most of my time in West Virginia was spent in one of three states- in a rage, about to rage, or just finished raging. Hell, I was angry for so long, that I felt weird when I WASN'T furious. Any and everything pissed me off. My teachers, my classes, traffic, my (then) boyfriend, someone laughing loudly. I just wasn't having it. In that rage, and in similar times since, I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of and hurt a lot of people who didn't deserve it. (Though believe me, some of them MORE than earned it...) This isn't going to be where I insert a long, drawn-out apology. This is where I say that I want to leave that behind. I'm not familiar with the "righteous anger" that is so often brought up when people say "but Jesus got angry!" Yeah, but Jesus was perfect. I am not. My anger is about as far from righteous as it gets (no joke). So what I want to do is at least not get pissed off so often. I've a rather decent temper. It takes a while. But once I'm done, I am DONE.
Enough about that,
As the pastor was talking, it made me realize that some of the people and things I can't stand are shadows. I don't despise them for who or what they really are, but for who and they represent in my life. I can't stand the sound of their voice because it embodies everything I've tried so hard to forget. I can't stand looking at it because it reminds me of things I wish I never knew. Totally unfair, but also entirely true. Kinda (really) hard to admit...
I took that message to heart, at least I tried to. I guess they really do "save the best for last". This message and yesterday's message have stuck with me the most.
Overall, I think listening to the messages was a good thing. If nothing else, I had some better things in mind. This is something I'm actually considering continuing, just because I think it's a good idea. So we'll add this one to my ongoing "to-do" list.
I've just a l-i-t-t-l-e problem with anger.
Anger and I aren't friends. Most of my time in West Virginia was spent in one of three states- in a rage, about to rage, or just finished raging. Hell, I was angry for so long, that I felt weird when I WASN'T furious. Any and everything pissed me off. My teachers, my classes, traffic, my (then) boyfriend, someone laughing loudly. I just wasn't having it. In that rage, and in similar times since, I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of and hurt a lot of people who didn't deserve it. (Though believe me, some of them MORE than earned it...) This isn't going to be where I insert a long, drawn-out apology. This is where I say that I want to leave that behind. I'm not familiar with the "righteous anger" that is so often brought up when people say "but Jesus got angry!" Yeah, but Jesus was perfect. I am not. My anger is about as far from righteous as it gets (no joke). So what I want to do is at least not get pissed off so often. I've a rather decent temper. It takes a while. But once I'm done, I am DONE.
Enough about that,
As the pastor was talking, it made me realize that some of the people and things I can't stand are shadows. I don't despise them for who or what they really are, but for who and they represent in my life. I can't stand the sound of their voice because it embodies everything I've tried so hard to forget. I can't stand looking at it because it reminds me of things I wish I never knew. Totally unfair, but also entirely true. Kinda (really) hard to admit...
I took that message to heart, at least I tried to. I guess they really do "save the best for last". This message and yesterday's message have stuck with me the most.
Overall, I think listening to the messages was a good thing. If nothing else, I had some better things in mind. This is something I'm actually considering continuing, just because I think it's a good idea. So we'll add this one to my ongoing "to-do" list.
February 6, 2013
5 Days- 5 Messages
So I know it's not my official week, but I've decided to bust it up a bit and change some things up. 12 weeks out of 52 is pathetic. Let's go, shall we?
I am indeed a Christian. Not nearly the example I should be, but I'm working on that (more often than not failing miserably...lol)
I had a ridiculous weekend. I won't go into details but it was just ridiculous. I haven't felt like going to church lately, either. I go, sing and sleep through the sermon, waking up just in time for the benediction before I head for the snack table and then the door. Like I said, I'm not exactly the best example of a Christian that you'll find.
Anyways, lately I've been wanting more out of life and I've not been getting it. We'll not delve into all that that entails. Long story short, I decided that for the next five days, I'd listen to one different message from my church in the States instead of watching Shin-Chan. (Look it up and you'll see that there's a WORLD of difference between the two). Heck, I don't even really watch it, I just use it as background noise, as I really can't stand silence, or even quiet. I REQUIRE CONSTANT STIMULATION!!! (the 5-year-old in me still wins more often than not).
On Sunday, the message was about gambling. But more than that, it was about how to make a decision when it wasn't written explicitly in the Bible if it was a sin or not. Got a few laughs from it, and I got a bit of good information, too.
Monday's message was about rejecting sin and not the sinner. It also went on about not judging others, because we've all got issues and wrongs and we're in no place to say "I'm less wrong than you".
Yesterday's message was the burner. It went on about friends. Those that know me will likely say that on the surface, at least, I'm not exactly the sweetest girl you'll ever meet. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if the words "heartless", "unfeeling", "blunt" or "bitch" came up. Anyways, the reason for the burn was that it made me realize that more than a few of the "friends" that I have are not the kind of "friends" that anyone needs or should have. The friends you need are the ones who will hold you accountable for what you do and call you out when you're wrong. They're friends who will fight with you when they need to because you're too stuck to see how wrong you really are. As he was going over a list of qualities that you want to avoid, I was checking names off a list in my head. THAT was the reason for the burn. That's the bad news; but the good news is that I don't need to cut them out of my life. I just need to decide "am I going to pull them up with me?" I don't know that it's possible for some of the names that I checked.
Today's message was about grace. It was about goodness and forgiveness. I suppose I could use just a l-i-t-t-l-e work on that.
I suppose I can feel a bit of difference from changing the background noise. If nothing else, I have something constructive in my head for the day, instead of a (well-played) fart joke. :P
I am indeed a Christian. Not nearly the example I should be, but I'm working on that (more often than not failing miserably...lol)
I had a ridiculous weekend. I won't go into details but it was just ridiculous. I haven't felt like going to church lately, either. I go, sing and sleep through the sermon, waking up just in time for the benediction before I head for the snack table and then the door. Like I said, I'm not exactly the best example of a Christian that you'll find.
Anyways, lately I've been wanting more out of life and I've not been getting it. We'll not delve into all that that entails. Long story short, I decided that for the next five days, I'd listen to one different message from my church in the States instead of watching Shin-Chan. (Look it up and you'll see that there's a WORLD of difference between the two). Heck, I don't even really watch it, I just use it as background noise, as I really can't stand silence, or even quiet. I REQUIRE CONSTANT STIMULATION!!! (the 5-year-old in me still wins more often than not).
On Sunday, the message was about gambling. But more than that, it was about how to make a decision when it wasn't written explicitly in the Bible if it was a sin or not. Got a few laughs from it, and I got a bit of good information, too.
Monday's message was about rejecting sin and not the sinner. It also went on about not judging others, because we've all got issues and wrongs and we're in no place to say "I'm less wrong than you".
Yesterday's message was the burner. It went on about friends. Those that know me will likely say that on the surface, at least, I'm not exactly the sweetest girl you'll ever meet. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if the words "heartless", "unfeeling", "blunt" or "bitch" came up. Anyways, the reason for the burn was that it made me realize that more than a few of the "friends" that I have are not the kind of "friends" that anyone needs or should have. The friends you need are the ones who will hold you accountable for what you do and call you out when you're wrong. They're friends who will fight with you when they need to because you're too stuck to see how wrong you really are. As he was going over a list of qualities that you want to avoid, I was checking names off a list in my head. THAT was the reason for the burn. That's the bad news; but the good news is that I don't need to cut them out of my life. I just need to decide "am I going to pull them up with me?" I don't know that it's possible for some of the names that I checked.
Today's message was about grace. It was about goodness and forgiveness. I suppose I could use just a l-i-t-t-l-e work on that.
I suppose I can feel a bit of difference from changing the background noise. If nothing else, I have something constructive in my head for the day, instead of a (well-played) fart joke. :P
Week one FINISHED
At midnight on Friday two weeks ago , I uncovered my mirrors. The first of 12 weeks was finished.
I actually wrote this a few weeks ago when I was doing it, but got distracted and never finished it.
It's probably for the best that they're covered right now, though. I'm sure I look like shit. Though that may be a reason that it's bad that they're covered. I've had a really shitty week, capped off with failing miserably at avoiding the mirrors at the gym. In my own defense, I was form-checking. I think that's acceptable, but still: looking at a mirror is looking at a mirror.
What have I learned? Honestly, not much. wait, that's a lie.
I learned that I'm a lot more superficial and obsessed with how I look than I thought I was. Going a week without looking at myself was a huge challenge, and I failed miserably. The first day I was really self-conscious and kept messing with my hair in an attempt to make it look like I felt it should blindly. The second day, one of my students told me I was pretty, so I figured that I couldn't have been doing too poorly. The third and fourth days went without much ado. And then there was Thursday.
Ah Thursday. How I'd like to find something unpleasant and shove it up wherever a day of the week can have things shoved. I woke up angry and in pain. I went to the gym and had a workout that was a waste of time. I had to take the dog I'm watching to the vet and felt like a complete tool carrying this little terrier-rat thing through the streets looking for a vet, thinking something was seriously wrong, only to find out that it was stupid dry skin.
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