Last of Five- A Message

So today's message, the last of my five (which ended up being six), was about anger and stuff.

I've just a l-i-t-t-l-e problem with anger.

Anger and I aren't friends. Most of my time in West Virginia was spent in one of three states- in a rage, about to rage, or just finished raging. Hell, I was angry for so long, that I felt weird when I WASN'T furious. Any and everything pissed me off. My teachers, my classes, traffic, my (then) boyfriend, someone laughing loudly. I just wasn't having it. In that rage, and in similar times since, I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of and hurt a lot of people who didn't deserve it. (Though believe me, some of them MORE than earned it...) This isn't going to be where I insert a long, drawn-out apology. This is where I say that I want to leave that behind. I'm not familiar with the "righteous anger" that is so often brought up when people say "but Jesus got angry!" Yeah, but Jesus was perfect. I am not. My anger is about as far from righteous as it gets (no joke). So what I want to do is at least not get pissed off so often. I've a rather decent temper. It takes a while. But once I'm done, I am DONE.

Enough about that, 
As the pastor was talking, it made me realize that some of the people and things I can't stand are shadows. I don't despise them for who or what they really are, but for who and they represent in my life. I can't stand the sound of their voice because it embodies everything I've tried so hard to forget. I can't stand looking at it because it reminds me of things I wish I never knew.  Totally unfair, but also entirely true. Kinda (really) hard to admit...

I took that message to heart, at least I tried to. I guess they really do "save the best for last". This message and yesterday's message have stuck with me the most.

Overall, I think listening to the messages was a good thing. If nothing else, I had some better things in mind. This is something I'm actually considering continuing, just because I think it's a good idea. So we'll add this one to my ongoing "to-do" list.