May, a.k.a "Week 5"

I asked some friends what I should do for Week 5, and these are a few of the suggestions given to me:

• No games
• No men
• Give up English for a week
• Wake up at 5am every day
• No eye makeup
• Come to Canada
• Only eat what people give me

So I'm considering doing one of them, but I'll go over a little bit of each one. (So yes, today's post is a bit of a long one)

• No games

Well, that'd be a challenge for sure, but It'd be a good one. For a while I was in the routine of going to the gym, coming back, getting breakfast and then studying. Then, I got a new game and my attempts to study became half-hearted, at best.  I now wake up, go to the gym, get breakfast and play games until it's time to go to work. After work, I eat dinner while playing games, and I often fall asleep with the controller in my hands or the laptop in my bed.  the only difficulty that I might have with this challenge is the weekend and maybe Tuesday and Thursday. I've been trying to put in two-a-days and so I ride my bike at home and play video games for an hour. n the weekends, I sit on my bike and play video games, so I'm not sure what I'll do to kill the time. Watching a movie or a TV show isn't interactive enough for me. But I'm sure that my neighbors would like a bit of respite from the random fits of gamer range that surface when I'm spawn killed...
Difficulty: 4. Doable, with just a hint of pain.

• No men

I saw this suggestion and died a little (lot) on the inside. I'm really not man-crazy. Honest! It's just that I've found a new...'venue' for meeting people and it's going really well. It has also, however, ruined any and all focus that I've had. My phone is constantly buzzing during work. that's terrible because I'm easily distracted and always tell my students to put their phones away during class. How can I get mad at them for using their phones if I'm checking mine every five seconds? Additionally, I've gotten myself into a bit of trouble. My unscheduled free time is quickly becoming a thing of the past. While I do enjoy having things to do, I'm really bad at turning people down (especially if they're good looking). I'll meet almost anyone once (Don't worry...I'm not stupid...public place, people know where I'm going, they don't come home with me, three drink max...I got ya covered) just for kicks. Almost EVERY weekend in May is spoken for by a different person. If the currently developing situation continues, then I may cancel and regain some freedom, but I hate cancelling on people.

RANDOM SIDE TRIP
While I'm carrying on about meeting people...
I am generally trusting. Like, 'born yesterday' trusting. With that in mind, I look back at some of the things I've done and thank God that I'm still alive without any major traumatic experiences to speak of.
Example 1
I was a freshman at UT Knoxville, 17 years old. I was going to pick up a pizza and hang out at my friend's dorm room. It was raining (Tennessee rain= sudden torrential downpour) and I didn't have an umbrella, but I was happily walking down the sidewalk with my pizza at about 8-9 at night.  A car pulled up next to me and a man said "Hey, do you want a ride?" "Sure". So I hopped in. The guy was probably in his late 20s or so and looked kinda scruffy, but I didn't care. I didn't have to walk in the rain and the pizza would still be hot! So we were driving along and he went past the dorm, even though I'd already told him where I needed to go. "My friend lives back there" "Oh...my bad...just a minute", and he drove on for another 5 minutes or so before he turned around and took me to the dorm. It was a bit strange, I guess, but oh well. **When I told my then-boyfriend about it, he went nuts, giving me a lengthy lecture about how I could have been kidnapped or raped or murdered. I just thought  the guy was being nice and offering a ride**

Example 2
I was walking to the radio station for my shift (this time in West Virginia). It was snowing really hard, and I love snow, so I was making snowballs and kicking snow and just being my silly self. A truck pulled up behind me. "Excuse me..." "Yeah", I turned and looked at him. "How old are you?""Me? I'm 20." "Oh, I thought you were 12 or something. You want a ride?" "Okay, thanks!" and I hopped in. I don't remember the exact conversation, but he just kept commenting on how he thought I was a child. I got to the station with no problem. My friend saw me getting out of the truck and I got a lecture from HER about riding in cars with potential child predators.

Back to where we were before! (Yes, I've since stopped getting into vehicles with men I don't know). I think I could do it, but I really don't want to try. I don't wanna!
Difficulty: 10. I'll die before noon on Day 1.

• Give up English for a week

This one is actually kinda (really) interesting. Considering that I live in a different country and the language is not my own, it'd be a challenge for sure. Then again, because of the people I hand out with, most of my conversations are a mix of Korean and English anyways. So, if nothing else, I'd get a chance to work on my speaking and listening. Of course, I'd still be able to speak Korean at work, since I'm an ENGLISH teacher, but other than that, it'd be Korean, Japanese, Spanish, body language (go to a place where you don't know the language and you will become a MASTER of charades) and in two cases, fleeting glances and stupid giggles.
Difficulty: 9. There's a lot of self control required for this one.

• Wake up at 5am everyday

"Wake up at 5am to work on your dream." It's a very good idea, and way doable, but can I? I'm an early riser (I'm also a night owl. Sleep and I have always had a "less is more" relationship). I get up around 6:30 every morning, even though work doesn't start until 2pm. With all that extra time, I should be so productive that it hurts. but I'm not. The 5am part isn't so bad, but being productive...therein lies the difficulty. Rumor has it that waking up at early to sit through cut scenes and scream at the TV during boss battles isn't very productive.
Difficulty: 6. 5am, easy. Productivity, not so much.

• No eye makeup

I'm not a fan of face paint (Makeup), but I do love me some eyeliner. Going a week without it wouldn't be so bad, but perhaps I should "up" it and not wear my contacts for a week. Glasses AND no eye makeup. Shallow, but for me, I hate my glasses. I hate the way I look when I'm wearing them. It's not "cute nerd" or "sexy librarian" it's "70's science teacher".
Difficulty: 2. I'm shallow like that.

• Come to Canada

No. Friend, I love you. I really do. I love you so much that I'd join your side in a fistfight KNOWING that we'd lose. Going to Canada would be a great change for a week, but I don't have the time or money.
Difficulty: 10. Money. 

• Only eat what people give me

Wow...there's a good one. For a week I would be a beggar. She told me that I couldn't eat what's in my house, but only what people give me or what I ask for. That would be a challenge  because I love food. I have some friends who've offered to feed me if I do it, but this is more of a pride thing than anything else. I would have to rely on others. I hate doing that and avoid it whenever possible. It would be great for my wallet, though. I probably go through $60-70 a week on groceries, and most of it is fruit, vegetables and meat. I see the stares as I drop 3 chickens, 12 apples and a watermelon into my cart. People think I'm feeding multiple families. Yeah, no. Just me.
Difficulty: 8. I would be hungry because I don't know that I'd be able to force myself to ask for food. I despise being hungry.

Week 4- FINISHED

Heads up: there’s a bit of ‘irritation’ toward the end of this post…and it’s not censored.

Ever have one of those days when everything pisses you off? I mean, even stupid stuff like my socks being inside out...it was that bad. Add to that the fact that I had to put on a dress for just ten more minutes...it infuriated me. I'm starting to think that wearing a skirt/dress acted as a barrier to some of my more aggressive tendencies. With the time almost up, the barrier was breaking down, big time.

I woke up late, in a really really bad mood. I was actually pissed off BECAUSE I woke up late. I don't like sleeping. I don't like sleeping in. I don't like taking naps, relaxing, taking a break, chilling, taking it easy, just hanging around or whatever else you want to call it. It irritates me. It's a waste of time and energy. Perhaps that's the reason why I tend to take random floor naps (read: I'm in the middle of something and the next thing I know, I'm waking up on the floor), whiteboard faceplants and mid-sentence pencil drops. But yeah, I was not a happy camper when I woke up and saw that my clock said 8:45am.

Add to that the fact that I still had to get ready to go to and from the gym. I was not having it at all this morning. Should I say it again? I WAS NOT HAVING IT THIS MORNING. My sleep was interrupted by a random, but painful, train of thought. It slipped into my dreams and just ran wild. It made me angry at the world as a whole (or at least a good bit of the population).

But enough of my whining. Again, that's what diaries are for. I threw on the green dress. It looks like sweatshirt material. I put on flip flops and went to the gym, where my day proceeded to tank further...and then it happened. I looked up from my pathetic attempts to stretch and saw two ajummas sword fighting with the exercise poles. No, seriously, mutha mutha SWORD FIGHTING. Watching old people do stupid stuff while laughing manically tends to make me feel better (not that it's happened too many times before, of course).

But yeah, the week is finally over. I had a cloud hanging over my head for most of the morning, and still kind of do, so that kind of put  a damper on my joy in being able to slip into a pair of jeans before work.

Not enough to ruin the whole day, though. But I have to say that *gasp* I guess I do look kinda like isht on a regular basis. I don’t know how to do all that fashionable crap, and I’m not going to pretend to be interested in knowing how. During the week, someone I’m kinda *really* interested in said “you look beautiful”. Ok, bea-freaking-utiful. Not “sexy” “pretty” “hot” “cute” or other things far worse. Certain words have certain connotations, and beautiful packs a punch, as far as I’m concerned. It was nice to hear it, but at the same time it sucks, because I highly doubt I would have heard that if I was wearing my standard-op jeans and a t-shirt. Two sides of me are beating each other senseless at the moment, and they likely will be for a while. I only hope that the lesser of the two evils wins.

**Herein lies the irritation, feel free to skip to below the next red line**

“You look more…approachable” Wow…I know people don’t mean to be dickbags, but damn. “approachable”? I didn’t realize that I gave off that much of a deathvibe. I know I’ve got a strong presence, but I need a freaking dress to soften me to the point of being approachable? Shit. Perhaps I should take that to heart and consider being less of an ice queen…

…AND I’m done considering. Nope. Not gonna do it. If you’re too much of a pansy to approach me when I’m being myself, then piss off. I want nothing to do with you. Besides, friends (and anyone who’s seen me in the pathetic state I assume when I like someone) will tell you that once I’m with someone and I know them, I’m (relatively) harmless.

**Okay, it's safe to read, again**

 

I will wear a dress, if and when I feel like it. I will rock my stilts and own them, because that’s what I do. I will continue to wear jeans and t shirts and too many rings and not enough makeup. And if for some odd reason I wanna be pretty, I’m gonna do it, gawkers be damned.

What I learned from this experience:

1)      People are surprised that I can look like a girl

2)      Wearing a skirt/dress seriously limits your ability to be a impulsive and childish without consequence

3)      Jeans are ‘sexy’, dresses are ‘pretty'

4)      Clothing has a serious effect on how people perceive you

5)      Somewhere in me there’s a pink glitter-puking unicorn-loving fairy dying to get out and take over my life. (She shall remain contained, for now, at least)

Back to my regular wardrobe. Looks like crap, feels like paradise.

No Pants, Day 7

So today should be the last day, except that I came home in jeans last Monday, so...almost, but not quite.

I had a good time last night, and he even complimented my outfit (thanks, friend! I never would have put that together myself). He was tall and had amazing hair! (I've got a thing for nice hair...good hair just...KILLS ME). But enough about that, this is NOT the place for me to be carrying on about my date. That's what diaries are for..

I went to church today and felt like an idiot. I had one pair of shoes that would have gone with my outfit (because I don't believe in flats. Stilts or sneakers, there is no middle ground), and they hurt my feet. I knew they'd hurt my feet. They're lovely little demons, my plaid $10 heels from the market. But damn, do they hurt after a few minutes of wear. I'm a sucker for punishment and have an oddly high level of pain tolerance, so I slipped them on and walked for a taxi (2 minutes). O-U-mutha mutha-C-H.  BAD IDEA.

So then I got to church and it wasn't so bad. I had a few friends tell me that I looked nice, and that I should consider dressing like a girl more often. I wasn't offended. My one friend, man. I love him like a brother, so it's quite alright that he said that I should dress like a girl more. The wifey would have smacked him if she'd heard that, though. She doesn't quite understand our dynamic and would have thought he was just being a jerk. But yeah, positive reinforcement is nice.

A little more length for church. Also pictured, the plaid demons.

As my week comes to a close (not fast enough), I'm looking back and realizing that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was nice to do something different, and I'm not gonna lie and say that I hated the attention (but I'm not gonna turn into an attention whore anytime soon. I'll not be plastering anything with self-shots.) As I mentioned in the last post, I do some really random "girl" things. One of them is collect (yes, collect, as in buy them just to have them) formal dresses. I picked this one up in Seoul last weekend.

Party in the front, longer party in the back.

While I do like the way it looks, I can't ever see myself wearing it in public.  In my mind, there are a ton of times that I'll need a dress like this, but I know that I'm just rationalizing. Truth is: I just wanted to have it. $25 and an entertaining conversation with a good-looking salesman. How was I supposed to put it back and walk away, huh?! What I could NOT rationalize, however, was paying $199 for some 8-inch stilts. Yes, it felt like I was walking on elevated pillows. Yes, they made me wonderfully tall. Yes, the salesman was ridiculously hot (on a side note: South Korea, stop doing that! Give me a girl salesperson, or an ugly one,...or at least one that's too young or old for me!...dirty dirty tactics) But he (and they) weren't hot, tall or comfortable enough to warrant triple digits.

Re-reading that last paragraph and the previous posts from the week is a bit strange for me. I can actually "see" myself softening and getting girlier as the week progresses. Thank God tomorrow it's over. I need a drink and some pants, quick!

No Pants, Day 6

It's raining. I usually love rainy days, but I am NOT looking forward to going out today. I'm just not in the mood. As expected, my "unrelated to pants" happiness has gone just as quickly as it came, and I'm left with nothing to show for it. Oh well, I knew it was coming, just didn't know when.

I met a friend for lunch today...Ah, denim miniskirt: I love you (really). I wasn't about to wear today's skirt to work. It doesn't pass the fingertip test...not by a long shot. Even if it's okay for a Korean woman to wear something that short to work, seeing as how I'm a bit more..."dimensional" than them, I can't really get away with it. What do I mean? Okay. Imagine an envelope, the long kind they use for everyday correspondence and letters and stuff. when you put one or two or three pieces of paper in, it's fine. It will close okay and no one will be any wiser. Now, try to jam 12 pages into that envelope and seal it...gets kinda bulge-y and doesn't close properly and it looks weird, right? Yeah...same concept. The envelope that is my denim skirt wasn't designed with my 12-page butt in mind.

Enough about that...lunch was good. I felt a bit more comfortable than I had earlier this week. I guess it's because going out into downtown, I wasn't expecting to run into anyone I know and I've gotten over the stares. My style is... not standard, I get it. NEXT.

Last night was fun. My good buddies the bartenders joked that I was not myself, but rather a (much kinder and more feminine) twin. When I go there, I'm rough around the edges (to put it lightly). "Wow! Who are you?! This is your boyfriend?! Wow!" Then they looked at him and said "Good job!" That's when the guy realized that: 1) I go to that bar a LOT and 2) I was different than usual. He didn't complain, though...so that's a good sign.


Wearing a skirt has...changed me a bit. I guess it's brought out a bit more of the "feminine" in me. I didn't really know I had that, actually. I've spent a lot of time just trying to minimize it because it makes me sick. The mere idea of dressing FOR someone kills me. I've found myself doing it before, though. I'd avoid certain things because he hated them, or wear things I despised because he liked them. And I also know that, given the right "motivation", I would do it again. I will NEVER wear scaled patterns, though. Snakeskin, fish scales, alligator, crocodile...I will NEVER own or even CONSIDER owning anything like that. I just can't do it. It freaks me out to the point where I have to leave the room. I once touched my mom's wallet. It wasn't even real reptile skin, but it brushed my hand and the texture made me sick to the point where I had to run to the bathroom....I just can't do it (so shoot me).  ANYWAYS... while I was out with my friend for lunch, we went shopping. I bought more things I didn't need and even picked up a skirt.

Yes, I wore those heels in the rain. I will never miss out on a chance to rock bright red vinyl.

Then we came back to my house and she (really) dressed me for tonight. Apparently I looked too..."me"...(those were her actual words) to meet someone. She says "After you catch him, this  is okay. But first you have to catch him. They like sweet girls. You look like strong girl." Well, um...sweetie...that's because I AM  "strong girl". I can bench  (and drink) more than most of the men at my gym and I don't care who knows it. So, she tore my wardrobe apart, randomly yelling at me for wearing certain things and never wearing others, and finally came up with this:

I refuse to be taken seriously. I'm in a skirt, plaid heels and white headphones. Eat it. Not pictured: the ridiculous headband she jammed on my head that will never see the light of day in a photograph.

Yes, at 26 years of age, I still need help getting dressed. Feeling naked is an understatement, as I'm not used to showing that much leg...much less on a first "date" with someone I barely know in the beginning of spring in rainy weather going out at NIGHT. I must say, my friend is quite the strange one, though. But perhaps that's why I like her:

Me: I'm gonna be cold! Can't I wear my coat?
Her: NO! STUPID! Always cold...if he is good guy, he will give you coat.
Me: Or I could just take one of mine...
Her: This is Korean girls' way.  When you are cold you say "Oppa...."(older brother/older man) and look cute.
Me: *blink**blink*
Her: Why? That is how you catch. You look cute. He feels happy.
Me: And what if he doesn't HAVE a coat?
Her: No coat? He is babo (foolish).

God bless that girl...needless to say, I will be taking a coat with me. 

And now for the heavy.
Femininity is not something I'm eager to embrace. I don't despise it, exactly, at least I don't think I do. I just don't want to rush into it. I don't want to be seen as weak and frail and needy and "prone to hysterics". I just wanna be. That's where the difficulty comes in. Whenever I do something like this (going on a date, wearing a dress, looking at makeup), it feels like I'm losing a part of myself.  It's not something that I want to see happen. People always described me as "the tomboy". I ran with the boys and could hang with the best (worst) of them. Tramping out in heels and a A-Line feels like a betrayal, like I'm becoming someone else and leaving who I was behind. That's who I've always been. If that's not me, then what is?

No Pants, Day 5

Why hello there, the end of the week. Now that I've almost made it through the hard part, all I have to do is get through the weekend and then I'll be free....oh wait. THAT'S A DIRTY DIRTY LIE!

Skirts are not warm! They are not functional! I was, at 10am, in bed in a Snuggie, Forever Lazy and footie pajamas (because I'm that kind of awesome), dreading getting out of bed *again* and putting on something that wouldn't properly protect me from the cold. Yes, yes, I know. People in cold regions still wear dresses. But guess what? Theirs are DESIGNED for such weather. I've done the shorts and leggings dealie, but those were FLEECE. Also, because I'm likely one of the least graceful and delicate girls you'll ever meet, if I can wear leggings twice without killing them, consider it an achievement! Anyways, because of that I didn't want to get out of bed.

I do like the lack of ripping, though. It's much harder to destroy a skirt.  I was looking at some old pictures and realized that most of the jeans in them are no more. They've moved on to denim heaven (or hell, depending on when they decided to die on me...) Just for kicks, I'll tell you a few of my more "memorable" denim deaths.

• A pair of Delia's flares that I'd had for maybe a year and some change.

Being the incredibly mature and forward-thinking person I am, I decided it'd be a good idea to slide down the (painted cement) handrail at work. It was fun, and the kids did it too. If you did it just right and got enough speed, you could get some serious air and hook around the corner. I did that one day....got some air, stuck the landing....and felt a breeze. The friction from the handrail had finally done my threadbare jeans in....right before class. So I biked home and changed.

• The most expensive jeans I've ever paid for. 

$98 at Coax (my favorite polo shirt store). They fit okay, but it was my first year in Korea and I was desperate for some pants. I'm not a stick, I can't fit most of the jeans here. First day I EVER wore them...I swung my leg over my bike seat and caught the side, ripping the leg from one side of the knee clean over to the other. From there it just went downhill.

• My favorite low-rises that didn't drag the ground or hang too low. 

There's a pretty big difference between my waist and my butt. I often get the dreaded "butt gap"...I can actually fit a soda bottle in the back of my jeans (sad story). Anyways, I hate belts, so I'm usually just tugging on my jeans to keep them up. I tugged a bit too hard and ripped off the entire belt loop...and a good part of the denim it was attached to.

I can't wear skirts for long, anyways. The feeling of denim choking the life out of my legs is the only way I know to lay off the cheez whiz and fried pork sandwiches. Without that, how will I know until it's too late?!

What's this? I'm kinda enjoying this a little...

the song, I mean.

Couldn't pass up the chance to wear SOMETHING denim...the heels didn't come out until AFTER work...no stilts at school!

No Pants, Day 4

Is it Monday afternoon yet?! Right fricking now. I can't take this isht. I want to put on my pants and run and jump and ride my bike and kick stuff and bend over and sit on my desk and spin in my chair and wear my crappy loafers and my various stupid t shirts. Even the novelty of saying "I'm not wearing any pants" is starting to wear off.

If one more person asks me "Why are you pretty?" I'm gonna flip. Seriously. Okay guys, I get it. I look like isht on a regular basis and it's front damn page news that I have the ability to not look like a man. OKAY ALREADY! I FRICKING GET IT (>_<)

On a side note:
Dear daily skirt/dress wearers:
HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO IT?! Seriously, don't you ever want to just sit on the floor or on a table? I can't do it and it makes me sad.  While I *in a strange way, kinda the same as seeing someone in visual Kei* admire your adherence to whatever standard of beauty you're holding yourself to...hot damn it's irritating. [If you don't know visual kei, look it up]
 
I have on a wool skirt today. I was wondering why I'd only worn it once since I bought it. Then I got out of the house and remembered VERY QUICKLY. This thing rides up like a jockey at Preakness. I could have gone home and changed, but I was running a bit late and figured that it wouldn't be that bad.

I. WAS. WRONG.

I've been at work for just a few hours and have realized that I can't even SIT DOWN without feeling a bit more naked than usual. I'm wearing tights, but they're not really helping. This kind of northern movement in clothing is usually accompanied by lousy music, platform heels and a cheap buffet that no normal human should ever consider eating. My solution: grab my sweater and tie it around my waist.

Perhaps I'm overreacting, after all, it does still  pass the fingertip test (stand up straight, hands at your sides. If the hem is past your middle fingertips, you're good to go), but dang it's awkward. This is the land of the the miniskirt. You know how stockings have that line..the "panty line" or whatever it's called? Yeah...if you can't see it here, you're wearing a long skirt. That's not how I work, but, whatevs.  My director said I looked very nice today. So apparently, the more naked I feel, the better I look. *facepalm* I refuse to walk with a book behind me, though. It's rather common to see girls around here walking with books behind them, because every step they take gives a rather indecent show to anyone behind them. Same with walking up the stairs.

Stockings, pantyhose, tights, leggings...whatever you want to call them: if I can see what's in the circle, YOU NEED SOMETHING LONGER!

The weather is nice and I'd love to ride my bike. Taxis cost money and I don't know the bus route to my friend's house. Monday, come quickly.

I've a sorta-date tomorrow night, right after work. The first time I met this one I was wearing jeans and my "kill all design" t-shirt and still had dry erase marker on my hands. Then on Saturday, I've an "actual" date. *GOING OFF TOPIC, DON'T KNOW IF OR WHEN WE'LL BE BACK*

Dating around. Hey, why not? I'm single-ish (but that could change rather quickly). Anyway, For the longest time, my partners in late night shenanigans swore that I was gonna be a player for life, because I have too many men as friends. Nevermind the fact that they don't see me as a girl, someone else will. ("Do you know any single girls?" "*AHEM!*" "No...I meant girls. Like, girls, girls." BWAHAHAHA). Now that I'm finally out of that disgusting funk I've been in for the past few months, I'm ready to own up and get started. Leaving a trail of broken hearts and crushed dreams takes time, you know *evil laugh*

*AND NOW BACK TO WHERE WE WERE BEFORE*
 I don't wanna meet them in a skirt or a dress! Definitely can't have these people thinking I'm "pretty" and "classy" and all that mess! I'm a t-shirt and jeans, straight shots of whiskey, running shoes, lick-the-ketchup-off-my-shirt kind of girl!

If I were a company, the Better Business Bureau would be all over me for deceptive practices and false advertising. *shaking my head* Breaking the rules left and right, my friends. Left and mutha mutha right.

Day 4- The skirt that refused to know its place.

No Pants, Day 3

For reasons totally unrelated to my ability to say "I'm not wearing pants", I am in a very good mood today. In fact, it's the best I've felt for several months.  I highly doubt that it will last, but hey, I'm not gonna argue with it.

Day 3...so far so good. I didn't go to the gym this morning, so I didn't have to deal with the old women or get dressed before I went out. Instead I stayed home and attempted to clean my apartment. That didn't work too well. I managed to get some cleaning done, but not before I broke my vacuum.

I was able to squeeze in a t shirt, so that's nice. I miss t shirts. I can't deal with this "pretty people" isht all the time. I wanna eat something and wipe my hands on my pants. I can't do that with a dress. It SHOWS and seems...strange(?) On that note, why is it okay to wipe your hands on your jeans, but not on a dress? Really. I'm gonna have to wash it either way, why kill trees using paper towels. (Don't even get me started on those "paper saving dryers". They barely get the job done, if they're even working at all!)

Last night, I went to a festival with a friend. It was really nice. I guess that was an okay place to wear a dress. I'll not be making a habit of it, but hey, it's not so bad. I've never been the girly girly type. Yes, I do my nails every now and then; yes, I like a bit of eyeliner; yes, I collect formal gowns and do love me some sky-high heels...but you're not gonna see me rockin' out in a pink dress covered in so much glitter that it looks like a fairy threw up on it.

Things are changing. As much as I hate to admit it (and I really do hate to admit it), wearing a dress isn't so bad. I won't make a habit of it, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be.

Apparently I look like an old Filipino woman...(so say my students)

No Pants, Day 2

So it's day two and I'm not feeling quite so naked. It probably helps that the weather outside is really nice. I was actually kinda hot during the short time that it takes to walk to work.

Today I had the class of girls. The ones who always ask "teacher, boyfriend?" Last week, they actually tried to set me up with the foreigner English teacher from their school! No. Seriously. I mean they really tried to set me up. Gave me his picture and was talking about how great he is and apparently they've told him all about me *scary thought*. These girls did some serious sleuthing! It probably doesn't help that I'm pretty readable when it comes to what I like and don't like.

I asked them why they think I need a boyfriend. Their collective response?
"Teacher...lonely, I think. Get married. Handsome man. Have baby! I want play with teacher cute baby!" So these contriving little women are only wanting to get me paired up so they can play with my (supposedly cute) baby. Thanks, girls ㅎㅎㅎ A few minutes of fun and pictures for you, a lifetime of responsibility for me.
 
ANYWAYS, today didn't (and doesn't) feel quite as awkward as yesterday. It was a bit strange having to actually get dressed before I went to to gym, but I'll live. Perhaps I've been a bit...predictable (?) in my choice of clothing. People make a point to say something about I'm wearing. Or maybe it's just a cultural thing. I've had kids get offended when I didn't notice that they cut an inch from their hair or pulled their ponytail higher than usual.

While I'm not complaining about the attention, it's kinda making me wonder: is it really so strange? Am I that grungy all the time? Perhaps I am. I'm only on day two (though technically it's only day 1, thanks to the late start), and I'm noticing some things and picking up on them. Maybe...m-a-y-b-e...perhaps I'll...you know...consider...I don't know...if-ish-y...maybe I should consider thinking about possibly wearing something other than jeans and a hoodie.

Exhibit A: The guy I hung out with over the weekend kinda *really* shocked me. It was cold and windy, so I put my hoodie on. He looked at me and *no joke* took his jacket OFF, gave it to me and said "Take that off. I hate it. Your face too pretty that style. It doesn't match you." I was impressed at his ability to hit on me, behave chivalrously and insult my beloved (albeit ill-fitting) hoodie at the same time.

Exhibit B: Even at the gym, people have noticed the change. As I was getting dressed, one of the old ladies I usually see came up to me and said (all in Korean, of course) "Today you're so pretty." It was nice, but that comment got all the other ajummas ("married women" but usually just a nice way of saying "old lady") talking. "Yes!" "Very beautiful!" "Do you meet your boyfriend today?" "This is good for you." "Are you married?" 



I LOVE JEANS AND HOODIES! THEY'RE COMFY AND CONVENIENT AND ALWAYS OKAY! I don't go all People of WalMart or anything, but I am a member of the church of ILoveMeSomeHoodies.

Day 2. No hoodies allowed

No Pants, Day 1

More like day 1/2. I chickened out. I couldn't do it. So, this is going to go until Monday afternoon of next week, right before work (which still isn't too bad)

I ended up staying in Seoul a bit longer than intended, but that's quite alright. I had an amazing time and...I'll be going up far more often than I had originally planned.

Anyways, as I mentioned in my last entry, I don't like dressing up the first time I meet someone. Also, it was cold outside and I had was a cocktail dress, a denim miniskirt and skinny jeans (Hey, I pack light). It was ridiculously cold and I didn't have the right stuff, so I slapped on the jeans.

I am wearing a dress at work now, though. And believe me, I feel rather naked. I can't sit on my desk or spin in circles in my chair....

 My director said "You look nice today." My one girl came in, screamed (no joke) and ran back out to grab other student so they could all stare together.

As promised, here's a photo for the day:

I should get bonus points...it's PINK.

Week 4 D-1

I start wearing skirts and dresses tomorrow.

I know that I'm the one who signed myself up for it, but I'm not sure I can really go through with it.

Why the self-doubt already? Well, it's quite simple, actually. Because of some schedule changes, I won't be leaving Seoul until tomorrow morning. That means going out in a dress in Seoul..."So, what's the problem? Big freaking deal, KiteGirl..." Actually, it is.

I'm meeting someone for the first time tomorrow, on the way back to Jeonju. Being the strange, strange creature that I am, I have a few "rules" for when I first meet someone.

1) Don't try too hard. (Too much effort indicates too much interest)

2) Don't LOOK like you're trying too hard (They can sense that crap from a mile away)

3) Don't look like you're trying to not try (If you're gonna do it, just do it...no sense half-assing it)

4) No Dresses (See Number 1)

(Not-so) Quick note about Number 1....When I say "trying too hard" I mean, I don't want someone to look at me and be able to comfortably say "She's going on a date" or "she's going to meet someone for the first time". I want to look like my normal self, with maybe a hint  of extra effort. "But KiteGirl! when you meet someone for the first time, you want to make a good impression". I know that. I've been to college and gone on several job interviews. You are presenting an image when you do that. I want to present an image of myself as I am. Relatively low-key when it comes to clothing. I felt kinda ripped off when, with a previous boyfriend, when we were first meeting, he'd wear a button-down and some nice jeans. After we'd met a few times, he switched to his "normal" wear: ratty t-shirts and jeans that look like they've NEVER been washed. (Turns out its because they weren't...22 years old and DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO HIS OWN LAUNDRY). With that said, I don't want to meet someone for the first time in a skirt, heels, jewelry and full facepaint.

Another side story (Yep...)
I met someone not long ago, and broke my first rule and definitely tried too hard. The effort was wasted, and I was actually (no joke) pissed off that I wasted eyeliner on that so-and-so. I wore heels, and a blazer, facepaint and PINK (and I'm not a fan of that color.) As soon as I saw him, I wanted to smack myself for taking so much time to get ready. I even did my freaking NAILS! (Though I do enjoy that. I used to do it almost every day in university)


ANYWAYS...let's get back to the ORIGINAL train of thought, shall we?
I'm meeting him (yes it's a "he") and I'll be even more uncomfortable than I already am because I'll be in a skirt. I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. I don't want to meet him and have him thinking 'this is how she always looks...nice' because it's not! The end.


I love high heels because I am short. I hate skirts because they aren't pants. That is all.

 

 

 

Week 4- No Pants

Hahahaha, I'll never get tired of saying that, but then again, that's what happens when you're 26 with the maturity level of a 10 year old boy. No pants! I'm not gonna wear pants! Pants-off Dance-off! (ok, I think I'm finished for now).

Random pants-related story that I'm no longer ashamed to tell:
I was leaving late for school one day (when I was going to a community college). I had a test that morning, so I was flying around the house like a crazy person...getting to school was only half the battle. The real problem came with finding a parking spot! Within 10 minutes I had gotten ready and eaten a full breakfast (cereal doesn't cut it for me), so I ran out the door. Suddenly my mom yells out the door "Hey! Wait!" I was kinda mad, because I was running late. What could she possibly have to say that couldn't wait? I mean, that's what cell phones are for, right? Yeah...not so much. "What?!" "YOU'RE NOT WEARING PANTS!" Look down. Look up. Oh crap. She was right. I had on my sweatshirt, shoes and socks, but NO FREAKING PANTS!
The end.


Here's the Deal
I'll only wear skirts or dresses outside for the week. leggings and a long shirt don't count. Believe me, I'd already thought of that and then realized that it would sorta kinda (really) defeat the purpose. Just for the record: leggings aren't pants, and they shouldn't be used as such, despite the ease and comfort of doing so. I wanna see if I can actually do it.

Say What?!
Yep. Including my daily 45 second commute to and from the gym, I'll be all legs for the week. I don't have a lot to work with, but I'll see what I can do. And just for kicks, I'll post a picture everyday.

Why?
Because I love pants. Except when I'm at home, then they're the first thing to go when the door closes (but you didn't really need to know that...). Nah, I'm in the middle of doing quite a few things differently in my life, and I figured, "eh, why the hell not?" I mean, really though. Why not? I've surprised people in random ways already (yes, I play the flute, knit, do my own alterations and know how to bake on a gas range).  I've already got an entire class of girls wondering if I even OWN a skirt.

But it's not just the love of jeans and being able to jump around like an idiot and sit on the floor and sit on the table. Nah, there's an entire "ensemble" that has to follow. So that means shoes, which means leaving more than 1 minute before work because sprinting in heels (though totally doable) is not "ideal". Thankfully in South Korea many people change into slippers at work (and going sock-less is a no-no), so rocking a skirt, Pororo socks and Adidas-style sandals is totally cool. 

Additionally, I'll be able to wear makeup without my kids going "Teacher pretty today. Teacher...you date?" When they say that, I blush (yes, people with darker skin CAN and DO blush...and tan and burn). It's sickening. Especially since the last few times it's been true, and once I've been found out I'm really bad at recovering and the students know that and just keep prying until I start laughing like an idiot.

My thoughts exactly

April...what to do, what to do...

So my last two posts were way out in space cadet left field. Enough of that. Back to the standard programming.

I'm going to try to get April's week over quickly. I've typically waited until the last week when I realize that "crap, it's almost next month!". Not so much, this month.

What have I decided? Hahaha...I'm gonna go sans-pants for a week.

No! No! No! No! It doesn't mean that I'm going to walk around in just a shirt for 7 days (are you CRAZY?!). I'll be wearing a skirt or dress every day for a week. I'm sure I could wait until May, but then it'll be too warm and I won't wanna. Besides, as the weather gets nicer, I'd rather wear jeans, because I can ride my bike. Most (all) of the skirts (3) that I own are not bike-friendly....haha

I'll take a picture every day. Really...and I know it's gonna be really weird for me. Heck, I already have two classes of girls wondering if I even OWN a skirt, on account of the fact that they've never seen me in one. Needless to say, some minds will be blown when I show up in one for a week straight.

I don't like the idea of it, but the only other option I've got at the moment is far less appealing. haha.

A friend suggested that I wear  red lipstick every day.Yeah, hahahahaha NO. I don't own lipstick for a reason. With that said, I'm not going to go out and buy (or worse, BORROW) a tube of facepaint for 7 days' wear.

This weekend I'll be going to Seoul, so a dress is absolutely out of the question, but starting 12 am on Monday, the only thing I'll wear out of the house (except for at the gym and the associated 30-second commute) is a dress or skirt.

Jeans, I love you. Even if you do like to tear at just the wrong time....

Detour 3- Reflection

So, as I was merrily skipping (Read: full-tilt Sprinting) down the road to ruin, I started to feel this little tug at my *cough* heart.

Yeah, surprise, surprise. I actually have one of those.

It hurt. It was a nagging pain, like when you rip off the little piece of skin between your finger and your nail. It doesn't hurt too bad, but every now and then when you touch something just the right way, HOT DAMN IT STINGS! (Yes, I did that very recently. Except instead of the skin on my finger, it was my whole finger slammed in the gate of a batting cage.) Yes...it hurt.

But enough about that.

The little tug was bothering me a lot. I don't like feelings. Hell, if I could, I'd completely ignore their existence and go through life as a robot. Emotions complicate things. Yes, without them life would seem meaningless and trite, but with them, there's so much unnecessary crap.

I've always tried to be very business-like in my relationships (ugh...typing that word made me feel gross. I hate talking about such things). I give what I take and take what I give.  With that said, I've lost a few friends because of it. But it's not like I surprise people. I'm honest to a flaw (unless we're talking about feelings).You'll know from the beginning that I'll take what I give and expect just as much out of you as you expect out of me.

If you ditch me (either accidentally or intentionally), apologize. Don't just no-show and then try blow sunshine up my ass the next time I see you. "Hi! What's up? I haven't seen you in forever?" ...No shit, Sherlock. It wouldn't be that way if you hadn't blown off our plans.  That said, once you've bailed twice, you're on your own. I will no longer try to make plans with you. "well, if you want to hang out with them, you shouldn't wait for them to make plans..." No, I'm done with that. I made plans with you, and obviously they weren't important enough to warrant your presence or the five seconds it takes to send a half-assed text message saying "I'm not coming."

I'm just really frustrated right now. I am so %*#$*%#$% sick of being the bad guy for holding people to what they say. If you say it, mean it. If you don't mean it, DON'T FREAKING SAY IT! Perhaps I expect too much of people? Nah...once upon a time, your word meant something. Your word was your name was your reputation was your life. Those days are gone. Words mean nothing now. 


But wait, there is an exception. Yes, those three little words. I hate using them frivolously, but here in South Korea, they're used like there's no tomorrow. Don't ever say "I love you" unless you mean it. I've said it without meaning it twice. Both times I was drunk and when I realized that I had said it, my face burned.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S EVEN MORE!
Someone told me something last night that got me thinking. "[We're] too young to understand love. So don't distinguish so clearly between the two ("love" and "like"). I love you, okay?" It made me realize that perhaps my cynicism and *fear* was getting in the way of an otherwise "interesting" progression.


I could carry on a lot more, but enough!

Time to shoot some robot zombies, spit, curse and drink some whiskey from the bottle. All of this touchy-feely talk is making me sick...