Beggar, Day 4

** Sorry for the repost, I've been having some formatting/feed issues recently**

I forgot to mention this yesterday: one of my kids (I’m surprised, it’s actually one of the ones I really don’t like) gave me half of the ice cream I bought for her. It was a nice surprise, and it made me consider thinking about possibly not labeling her as a complete brat. We’ll see how it goes during the next class when I don’t buy them anything...

Breakfast was curry and hotdogs...lunch was a can of Spam and a banana. And to drink? In the Mega Spam pack, there was drinking vinegar.  For some unknown reason, I don’t like drinking water, so I more than welcomed the vinegar and drank it like you’re supposed to: diluted with water because it’s in concentrated form. I know I’m weird. For a while, I found myself taking straight shots of vinegar (yes, plain vinegar) and eating lemons, just because I like the acidic taste.

Then today, another kid (this one I actually like) gave me a piece of her kimbap. She’s a sweet kid.

My buddies at my favorite bar invited me to a club party.  They’re hosting one this weekend.  Of course I’m going, but how will I get my drink on?  I’m not the type to flirt for a drink.  I’ve done it maybe once, or twice.  It just feels weird.  But apparently when I do it, I do it like a boss.  I don’t know why I’m telling you this story, but I will.

        So...I was at the festival with some friends, and we were in line waiting to buy these really cool   cocktails in a bag.  Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like…  Anyway, this guy walked up to me and started talking to me.  I don’t know what possessed me at that time, but I said “for this conversation to continue, you should buy me a drink.” And hot damn, he bought me TWO.  After he left some time later, my one friend asked “How did you do that?!” I didn’t know then, and I still don’t know now.  Every now and then, my even more straightforward side makes an appearance and manhandles…HAHAHAHA.

Cocktails in bags....summertime mainstay

                                                     

 Back to the regularly scheduled programming

When I first took this on I was dreading it, thinking that it’d be a week of ramen and water. I didn’t expect ingredients for full meals with options! And this stuff isn’t cheap! Such a drain on them....it’s optional, I know. They don’t have to help, but....dangit. Be jerks! Say ‘no’! Give me something leftover that you’re about to throw away so I don’t think *know* that you went out of your way to get things that I like! Be selfish! Stop making me question my long-held decision to rely on (or otherwise involve) others as little as possible. Why, you ask? Because:

More food ^_^

                                                

THAT is why. Yeah, that is all from ONE person. Again, I was only expecting maybe a Paris Baguette (bakery chain) pack of bread and a bottle of  soda...this is way more than that. And apparently my wonderful food givers don’t want me to die, either. I’ve got apples. Fruit. Vegetables. Bread. Soup. Oil. Drinks.

This is leading me to believe that perhaps I’ve been underestimating my friends. But it’s also made me painfully aware of the fact that if I ever need help, they’ll do it (within reason). I don’t want to be a burden! I feel like a drain on society! Give me the bare minimum that I need. Stop being so...HELPFUL!

 I don’t want to ask anyone for anything else, but with the weekend coming, I know that I’ll have to.  Just like skirt week, I’m fighting with myself right now. Accept that I can and should ask for help, or continue as I’ve been? What to do, what to do...(really).

This just in: Pride and I have a not-so-healthy relationship.  I’m not above asking for help, but man it hurts to do it. Case in point: when I first came back to Korea in my public school job a few years ago, I was flat broke. Like broke broke broke. I lost 1000 won (about a dollar) and started crying because that was my lunch money for the next two days (buy a pack of instant noodles and split it in half...)  For about 10 days, I lived off of canned tuna with steak seasoning, a single loaf of bread and instant coffee mix. I could have asked for help, my friends even offered because they knew I hadn’t been paid. But I said I was fine. One of them picked up on the fact that it was a ridiculous lie and slid me an envelope with more than a few bucks in it. My soul hurt. I needed someone to help me. No...let me say that again: I needed help.  I thanked my friend profusely and felt a bit of guilt when they rebuffed my offer to pay them back later. I believe that people are inherently good, but....just....there are some things I’ll just not understand anytime soon.

‘till tomorrow...

Beggar, Day 3

Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to post this late.  I started to write this, and then I got distracted, and then I went to work.  But any ways, yesterday was not as bad as I thought it would be.

So on Tuesday night I went out with these guys that I met online.  Well, not actually online, but through an application on a smart phone.  They were really cool and all, but more importantly: THEY BOUGHT ME FOOD!!! 

You see, a very beautiful thing about this country (for this week and because I’m not a man) is that men pay for everything.  I’ve offered to pay before, but might guy friends never let me pay.  It’s an honest offer, though.  I really feel uncomfortable having them pay for me, but dang if it doesn't help when I'm broke!  I don’t find it condescending, if that’s the right word.  It’s kind of nice I guess.  But anyway, like I was saying, I got to eat good food and drink and not pay for it. 

The guy I’m kinda seeing lets me pay for things.  But I know he doesn’t like it.  He actually told me that he feels bad about it.  I don’t want him to feel bad.  It’s just a cultural thing.  While I understand that it is *I’m probably gonna piss off somebody here* the man’s job to provide, the fact that I want to help shouldn’t be a burden.  When I see him, I do sometimes pay for meals, and we go back and forth on transit costs.  But it’s OK.  I work, I have a job.  He's still a student (and studying law, at that).  I don’t like that there’s a sense of shame in having your woman pay for stuff.  That’s not OK.  But enough about that, back to the food.  

I did cheat yesterday.  It was very small, but a necessary evil.  I haven’t been feeling well, actually that’s an understatement.  I am all kinds of messed up right now.  I feel like that dorky kid in school who had a fanny pack full of creams and pills.  No really, I do.  I had curry for breakfast, which was fine.  But then I went to the doctor, and * SIDENOTE *

Why is it that whenever you have an embarrassing problem or some other issue that you don’t want people to know about, that’s when you see every one you want to avoid?  No, REALLY?!?  No joke, I really want to know.  Some time ago I had scabies.  I was in college, and according to my doctor I probably got it from using the towels provided by the gym.  So, I got a prescription for some cream.  The pharmacist obviously knows what it’s for.  And dang if he wasn't a gorgeous piece of man.  *facepalm* See, I learned my lesson from that, and now I check to see before I hand it over… That didn’t help me yesterday.  I walked in and saw a woman, that was fine.  I wouldn’t care if she was a supermodel, because she’s a woman.  So I handed her my prescription and sat down.  My face went a million shades of red when, much to my chagrin, freaking Adonis walked out from behind the medicine rack and called my name.  I know I’m not there to get a date, but still.  THAT’S NOT THE POINT!!!!  The point is…just…AUGH!!  If he was ugly or old I wouldn’t have cared.  But there are some things that you just don’t want good looking people to associate you with.

But yeah, so I took the medicine, and it was powerful stuff.  The room was spinning and when I stood up during class I hit the floor.  Apparently, a banana does not suffice when you’re supposed to “take with food”.  So I bought ice cream for my kids, bought myself a pack of crackers, ate two, and no longer felt quite as close to death.  In my defense, I gave the remaining 10 crackers to students in the next class.

My boss also mentioned that I’m eating more.  I usually eat a lot, but I don’t eat a lot of rice.  Usually my rice bowl is ¼ full.  But this week, I’ve been going back for seconds.  Hahaha.

I’m getting kind of stir crazy; this week is a perfect storm of sorts.  My wrist is still in a splint, so I can’t work out.  My body is revolting against me, so I have a box full of medicine.  I am not buying myself food this week, so I can’t mindlessly stuff my face.  So, I am lazy, sedentary, drugged up, rationing and it’s just not working out for me.

I know, I'm all over the place today.  Sorry.

In the middle of work yesterday, I really wanted a sandwich.  No, I R-E-A-L-L-Y wanted a sandwich.  I don’t even like sandwiches, I just wanted one.  I think it was because I couldn’t buy one.  Seriously, it’s like the moment you can’t have something you want it.  It’s the only thing you want, it’s all you can see.  And then once you have it, it’s like “what was the big deal?” That’s how I feel about my sandwich.  It was teasing me yesterday.  The kids were picking out ice cream, and that sandwich was just staring at me.  It probably doesn’t even taste good.  But it was taunting me something awful.  Stupid sandwich!

Today is Thursday; I have four full days left.  Let’s see how it goes…