*MEGA VERBAL VOMIT*
The words for today's time were "unreliable" and "excessive".
People are unreliable and the amount of stuff I've been able to cram into my studio apartment over the years is beyond excessive.
I'm trying to move in the next year, and I've got more than enough stuff. Just thinking about how much effort it took to move from my last apartment to here made my head hurt. As I laid in bed, I was just looking around my apartment. There's stuff everywhere (including the floor because I'm messy). A lot of it isn't even useful or stuff I need. I've got clothes from high school and cards and books I'll never read/ reread. But for some reason, I can't bring myself to get rid of them. I've got dresses like you wouldn't believe, but most of them will never be worn in public. Sure, I'll try them on and ditz around my apartment, but I'd likely not go outside looking like that.
The sheer volume of stuff I have is disgusting, but that's part of living here, for me. There are things that I can't get so easily, so I hold on to things, just in case. But then I have to remember: I have a nearly full closet at home in the States. Why is it so hard to get rid of things? I want to be able to fit all of my clothes in my closet. Right now I've got a closet and two drawers. I live alone, walk most places, and have a steady rotation of about 8 pieces of clothing. With that said, why is it so hard to toss a t shirt or some pants? In the case of my polo shirts, it's because they were way too expensive and then the store is gone so I can't replace them. (My beloved COAX store was replaced by a store selling hats! HATS! HATS!!!!)
As I'm looking over the stuff, it's just frustrating to see how much I've accumulated and how attached I've become to this...stuff. And that's just what most of it is- stuff: jewelry I never wear, business cards from places I'll never visit [again], those free water tissues they give you on airplanes and at restaurants...I'm not loaded, I'd love to have more money. But I don't want or need a big house with tons of rooms and lots of stuff. Give me a loft with open space so I can run and slide across the floor in my socks. Keep your walk-inn closets and rooms dedicated to shoes. I don't even need a huge pantry and multiple refrigerators. I love food, but I don't want a storehouse of it. A bit of stuff on the shelf and in the freezer is fine (God forbid I ever run out of spam, liquor or hot sauce), but there's no need for so much stuff that when I clean it out (or reach to the back), I find a can that dates back more than 4 years! I want to be able to pick up at a moment's notice and fly off without needing weeks of preparation and boxes.
In a weird way, the same thing goes for people. With few exceptions, I want to be able to pick up and go without all the emotional attachment and eye-water inducing goodbyes. Feeling 'tethered' or 'tied down' to one place makes me rather uncomfortable. "But KiteGirl! That's what marriage is! You're tethering yourself to another person!" Like hell, I am. Marriage is uniting and two-become-one and all that other goodness, but it's not being "tied down" it's not being "tethered". If you really think being married is being tied down, you're with the wrong person. If you think it's tethering, you're with the wrong person. When you tether, you can only go so far. The tether (just like in the fabtastic recess game of tether ball), the pole is stuck. It's not going anywhere. Hit the ball as hard as you can, kick it if you want to, but short of breaking the rope, it can only go so far. Perhaps I'm being foolish, but if for some odd reason I finally make it down some sort of aisle, I want it to be with someone who's going to make me feel even more "free" than I do now (if that's possible). I want to be with someone who's going to accept my crazy (believe me, there's quite a bit there), and my randomness and my wanderlust and enhance it. [Heads up...wish listing...] Make me smile and accept the fact that I will most likely forever be immature for my age. I will always enjoy playing in the snow and splashing in puddles. BUT back to the whole "tethering" bit:
I don't want to be "tied down" or "tethered". I want to be with someone who will take me and do this crazy with me, and every now and then, make it worse, or at least allow me to indulge within reason.
Marriage, in my mind:
 |
| That's more like it |
 |
| No |
 |
| Still No. |
I don't know how I got to this point when the original topic was "unreliable" and "excessive"... But speaking of excessive....WEDDING EXPENSES! *The End*
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