Week 6- FINISHED

I'm finally getting around to this. Took long enough.  Sorry guys. As a "writer", please understand that every now and then there are just...times when I can't write. Excuses, excuses, but true.

After a fitful night of sleep, waking up feeling "lost" every 2~3 hours, I decided to hit the gym. Afterwards, I came back and flopped face down on my bed. The silence was...so loud. I could hear everything in my mind screaming at me, trying to fight its way to the top of an ever-growing list of  Things I Need to Do But Keep Putting Off. Yes, you read correctly, I voluntarily laid in silence. I didn't feel like doing anything else. So I waited for sleep to come, hoping it would calm the shitstorm that is the collection of my thoughts. (It didn't). I had a dream and that made it even worse.

But anyways:
My week of silence was, thankfully, not as painful as I feared it would be. There were only a few short times seriously considered turning on the TV or radio, or just talking out loud. I realized how much background noise I really have going on, too. I'll likely continue to sleep with the TV on, because the noise is..."comforting". Something about constant sound and stimulation relaxes me. For some people it makes them nuts and they NEED to take a break from things, but I'm the opposite.

On Saturday, I took a hike up a mountain. Someone suggested that it was a good way to "clear my head". No. I refuse to think of it that way. Going into the woods to "think" just doesn't make sense to me. But I was quiet. I paused my 7 hour NightCore playlist and "listened to nature", and you know what? I felt like I was crazy. Bugs, birds, footsteps, my heartbeat after sprinting up an incline, an old man singing to himself...why do I want to hear those things? I'll take the pounding bass of my iPod over any of that any day.

I have not come to welcome the silence. I don't quite despise it as much, but it hasn't drastically changed me, either. I still don't like to "sit and think", and I doubt I ever will. Through the week, my thoughts only helped me to "come to terms" with one thing: I was (and often still am) far too weak for my own good.


The week is over. I'll not be doing it again. Perhaps if I weren't trying to make serious life decisions, I'd be a little more amenable to silence, but as the moment, the last thing I want/need is more "time to think".